Welcome to Friendly Forum #10!
Again, I will just remind you all that Friendly Forum is for you and by you, so comment as often as you like, interacting with other commentors or adding additional thoughts. I will be reading over each response; thank you for sharing your thoughts.
If you have an idea for the next Friendly Forum, leave me a comment on the Friendly Forum page or drop me an e-mail. I hope you are encouraged!
This forum was born out a question that was posed in the previous post.
How can I serve my earthly father and imitate my earthly mother when they are not believers? Mostly my parents provide discouragement rather than encouragement. Any advice?
This is something I have struggled with as long as I've been a Christian, as my parents don't have the same spiritual beliefs I do, and this can cause us to have different priorities. Sometimes I feel like I'm constantly having to compromise on how I can serve, in order to honour my parents. And yet, some of the most profound lessons God has been teaching me suddenly only click with a comment from my mum or dad.
ReplyDeleteThe best advice I can give is to remember that God has not called you in isolation, and that He has and will place you in a community to teach you what is needed to prepare you for what He wants you to do. If this is modelling a biblical marriage or motherhood... there are others out there who have gone before, also without coming from a Christian family.
Kitty - wow, thank you for sharing... that is wonderful advice.
ReplyDeleteI was hoping to have some young ladies who have personally went through this kind of struggle to share here. So *thank you* for taking the time to bless us with what God has shown you in this area. What an encouragement.
I, too, struggle with this... my parents are not Christian, and it's been very hard for me to not be able to adequately share the biggest part of my life with them. I've had a very difficult time even opening up to them about my faith, because it is not really encouraged. My parents are generous and kind-hearted people, but our priorities and views are definitely different.
ReplyDeleteI have grown so much through being in fellowship with others - through my church, friends or through Godly mentors... God has provided for me in so many ways. It has at times broken my heart that this kind of fellowship and support doesn't come from my own parents, and that they can't understand the kind of growth I've been experiencing. It has caused some strain on our relationship, which is not at all the direction I want it to go... but a lot of it is that I am still learning, too, how to be God's hands and feet in this world and I definitely mess up. I could easily share more with them, and am just beginning to, which has been such an answer to prayer.
However hard it is, I've had to accept that they do still minister to a close familial aspect of my life even though they are not Christian - through their love for me, their generosity and their protection and advice. I'm grateful for that, and will honor and serve them because of it. But my faith is in God alone, and I've had to make some decisions that have come through prayer that my parents just didn't understand. In this way I try to move forward... honoring and loving them because they are God's children, too, but keeping God first.
Hey Kaysie,
ReplyDeleteI'm heading to VA tomorrow. When I get back I'll work on the new site some more! Keep me in your prayers!
God Bless,
Eric
Sure thing, Eric. :) Hope you have a good trip.
ReplyDeleteI have also struggled with this very issue! I am an occasional reader, usually not a commenter, but I do enjoy your blog, Kaysie, and this topic made me want to comment.
ReplyDeleteI find this, unfortunately, the most difficult part of being a Christian. But, as others have said I have met some great Godly people who have certainly helped me and of course God has continued to draw me closer to Him.
But, as far as dealing with my parents I generally do not speak directly, and am often discouraged by my parents and/or feel that I did not say enough to defend myself or my beliefs. It is really difficult when my whole family would think I am mildly-insane for talking about how much better my life has become with the acceptance of Christ as my personal savior. I still have not come out point blank and told them a lot of my beliefs- it is a combination of them not asking (because they do not wish to know), and me not having the courage to bring it up. I generally take the route of using softer words which allows them to believe what they want- for example, my church activities. They think by going to church I am simply being social, and while there is a social aspect, which is wonderful, I am not going to church for that reason- I am going to worship God!
It is really difficult to defend my point gently without getting out of line, since they are my parents. In addition, my parents are wonderful people who have provided so-so much for me and continue to provide for me! It is so difficult to not be able to share this part of my life with them, and any tid-bits I do share get belittled.
I want to echo the other advice on this thread, such as Godly mentors and such. In addition, I believe that I have had and continue to have these experiences and struggles for a reason, I like to think God will use my experiences in some way- so others who are going through the same thing I am sure there is a reason behind your struggles as well.
I also have wished that I could meet and hear other people’s viewpoints that are going through this type of struggle. So thank you for facilitating this discussion Kaysie, it feels good to know I am not the only one!
Hi Kaysie,
ReplyDeleteI don't know if you like to do tags or not, but anyway if you want to participate, I have tagged you! See the rules on my blog for details. :)
Blessings!
Julia
Thank you to everyone who shared their hearts in the forum...
ReplyDeleteI was extremely advised through your words, and I hope many others will be as well. Hearing your stories has awakened a new compassion for people with unbelieving parents. (and also made me thankful for my believing parents) I don't really know what you all go through. I am sorry, but as I read over your responses, I prayed for each one of your parents to see the light of the gospel of Christ.
But even now, keep standing firm in the Lord, as you all are. You are a brilliant example for us all. Thank you. God bless...
Well, Kaysie, it means alot to me that you would use my comment towards a friendly forum. It helps alot. Sometimes I feel somewhat disconnected from your blog and the readers because it seems as though everyone has had those strong Christian parents and grew up Christian and was homeschooled, and its refreshing to be reminded that your blog is a community for all sorts of women.
ReplyDeleteI can identify with some of these commentors here. Lindsay said that it hurts that she can't spend the biggest aspect of her life with her parents. That's how I feel. It seem so much a part of me to talk about spiritual things and to tell stories about how God is working in my life or other people's lives but because I know my parents don't really have an interest in that, I don't share. I drove home from college this weekend to see my parents and I did end up telling a story of how these kids in boise (where I live now) were in a car wreck and one of them died. The kid who died was saved a few months before his death. I was mainly talking to my mom yet my dad was right there too, but was fixing himself some food. When I was done he was done with getting his food and he walked past without any comment whatsoever. My mom is always kind towards what I have to say about my faith. I can be much more open with her than my dad. With my dad there is a hostility. A few weeks back I was venting to him about how busy and stressed I was and how I didn't feel prepared to help lead a girl's purity retreat weekend (very informal and small) that coming weekend. He asked if that was school related and I said that it was for my Bible study. He got angry and said "It makes me angry when your priorities don't match up with my priorities". That sums it up right there. Because Christ is my leader and authority and my passion in this life, my priorities are centered on Him. It's tough when your parents are paying for school and they don't think you're giving enough attention to school...
anywho, i didn't really mean to ramble so much. To sort of answer my own question. To serve my unbelieving parents...(disclaimer...I dont claim to practice all that I preach, which is a matter of conviction...so don't think I'm the most wonderful example)...I believe being open to their opinions and direction for your life. To do basic things out of love for them. It's easy to just allow people to take care of themselves and serve themselves. That's how it is in my family. There are no "Random Acts Of Kindness" going around. So to begin doing that would be neat. :)
Well...anywho...
Just thought I'd leave a small comment. I'll be back periodically to see what people post :)
-Kristy
Hi Kaysie;
ReplyDeleteWhen I saw this friendly forum topic, I thought -- "Yeah! Finally a chance to talk to people like me." Except the people who have posted here are not like me. They're true examples of Christ to their families; the lights that God calls them to be. I'm not. When I'm with my parents, I'm a bratty teenager who you'd never think knows Christ as her savior.
When I was a kid, I was completely consumed with hatred for my parents... without going into too much detail, it basically had a lot to with the society I was raised in. After I got saved, I remember a point when I actually struggled to pray for my family, because I had been taught (by the actions of others) that it was not the right thing to do. Of course, many years have gone by since then. You'd think that I'd have changed the way I act and speak to my parents. No.
I don't know how to share my faith -- my personal life -- or anything, really -- with them. I talk to them the only way I know how: in shouts and in anger. I love them, but nothing in my actions or words shows it. I don't obey, honour, or respect them. And I'm NOT going to blame it on my past, because I'm a new creation in Christ, and I have no excuse to revert back to my old self before I was saved. I know that this is a choice, and I'm responsible for this.
But I want so badly to change. I'm afraid I've ruined my witness beyond repair... the situation feels hopeless sometimes.
I guess writing this entry was more for my own sake than for the sake of this forum... I just need to vent. And to hear some words of encouragement and advice -- or even admonition. Just being open about this part of my life, which I've never shared before, is both convicting and healing.
~ Anonymous.
Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your heart here. I would never tell you that you are "not like the others" who have shared their thoughts above - because you are like them. Each and every one of us are sinners, and daily fall short of His glory - by not living up to our identity in Christ, by not showing Christ's love to our unbelieving parents. We all fail. We all stumble. But God offers mercy!
Each morning when we wake up, we have a fresh opportunity to walk worthy of Christ because His mercy is new every morning. And more is available for the asking.
I think every child at some point in their life has the opportunity to begin to despise their parents. Because, like every other human, parents sin. And the children have a first hand account of this reality daily. Satan can plant a seed of bitterness, hatred, and anger to separate kids from parents. This can take deep root and destroy our lives. God's blessing is on obedient children. (Eph. 6:1-3) God wants children to be close to their parents. And forces of evil are against us.
I encourage you to be open about this part of your life. Like you said, uncovering our sin and wounds begin the healing process. You haven't passed the point of no return. God is willing and able to take you hand and lead you through healing and restoration. He has placed you as your parent's child for a divine reason, and He wants to help you fulfill it. Go to Him with your anger, pain, and fear. Ask for healing and a changed heart. He will work miracles. :)
You want to change? God is the heart-changer and the giver of hope.
Thank you for your words of encouragement, Kaysie. I'm not usually a negative person, but I guess things just came to a head. Like you wrote in your reply and your latest post: I need change, and it can only come from Christ.
ReplyDeleteI'm not actually really sure what to write... but God's word is comforting me. So thank you for reminding me of it.
Mathew 28:19Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:
ReplyDeleteAs a child in the home Christ has ask us to honor our father and mother. By this we must abide. Gods commandments do not contradict each other so If you follow Christ in the truest scene your cannot dishonor your parents. So respect will be due to them If they don't believe what you believe. No loving parent will or could detest a Christlike child.
Though Parents may have brought us in to the world .its not absurd to think some of us children may be here to lead them the authority in the home to Christ. An instrument of Gods mercy to save even the most wayward or indifferent of parents.
Someone told me not not too long ago that when young people present Christ to the older folks there is certain respect /admiration that is held toward that youth.
At the Cross we are all on the same level irregardless of age or status. Christ as a Child model the love of God before his parents in all his ways the bible says He increased with wisdom and with stature and in favor with God and man Luke 2: 52
You a child may be the only bible, sermon, witness,or love a Christ that a parent me witness in this life.
Forget the Trouble they may give you remember the Christ you display to them.By witnessing to them u save your soul see Ezekiel 3:17-21