welcome to a new beginning

I'm just going to come right out and say it. This may be a bad idea. Switching blog names, locations, and hosts may potentially succeed in dismissing the majority of my followers, search engine ratings, and my already fading blogging remembrance. Yet I've been itching to remake and remodel my blogging existence and hopefully stimulate my creative writing juices through that process. As you can see, a few things have changed -- such as my blog name (Alabaster Box is now and I often wonder), web address (www.alabasterboxblog.com has changed to www.andioftenwonder.blogspot.com), and template layout. I switched back to Blogspot because their new features intrigued me and the templates are easier to change, edit, and update without having to pay for a host like I was with Wordpress.

So with all the many changes around here, what hasn't changed?

Hopefully you will discover, if you choose to stick around, that the message will remain as redeemed, honest, and heartfelt as I can write it, by God's grace. That is my purpose here. The last few months (years?) have been a refining time for more than just my writing, and I suppose my greatest goal in setting out here is to be as sincere and sanctified as I can. It is so easy to hide behind our blog names and create an appearance we wished always described us, though sometimes we really do this unintentionally. I'll have you know right now -- I am not perfect and I do not wish my writing to exhibit any other opinion. I serve a perfecting, merciful God and any good you see, any encouragement you receive, any comfort you find comes straight from Him alone. I am simply pleased that He chooses to use me.

So without further ado, I welcome you to my new blogging home and hope you enjoy and I often wonder as much (or perhaps more!) than you enjoyed Alabaster Box. Let me know what you think about the new package and if you don't mind changing your links I would appreciate it. I have tried my best to redirect the RSS and email feeds for those of you who subscribe.

RSS and email subscribers CLICK HERE to see the new site.

significance, failures, and sunday evenings

Yes, I know. You are shocked that there is a new post here, finally. You were beginning to think Kaysie had forgotten her Wordpress password or crashed her computer or something terrible like that, weren't you? Well nothing justifiable like that has happened to me (thank God), but I think I have neglected everyone long enough.

Truth is I've been pondering the significance of this little blog, yet again. Sometimes it can feel useless to keep mumbling away about observations and topics that are perhaps only important to myself, assuming others have and can say it better, and really not wanting to put forth enough effort to extract my opinion and spread it out here in a readable fashion. Excuses, excuses. Not really worth much, but it feels better to say all that out loud.

But a friend and I have been discussing significance and failure lately, and I couldn't help but connect what I was learning through our conversations with my opinion about this blog and my writings. Occasionally during the course of existing in this world, one begins to wonder, "Am I really making any difference? Does my life matter? Am I fulfilling my God-given purpose right now?" All great questions to ask, especially if you discover encouraging answers. But it seems to me that sometimes (oftentimes?) in my quest to find and achieve significance, my motivation gets tangled up in another web of questions and fears, like, "What is holding me back from running after what I believe God is calling me to do? What if I fail miserably? How can I make a difference when the task before me is so insurmountably huge and I am just one person, one voice, one life? And what if I fail miserably (wait, did I already say that?)?"

Again, all good questions that I know you've had before too. But for me, I believe it gets back to two things: truth and obedience. I painfully recognize that I am a sinner who fails much more often than I want to, but because of Jesus Christ and His redemption in my life I am moving forward and not backwards (1 Peter 1:18-19, Phil. 3:12-14). His opinion of me is immeasurably beyond what I deserve -- He loved me enough to die for me (John 3:16), He chose me as His eternal bride even though I was stained and immoral (Eph. 1:7-9, 5:25-27), He is working in me and through me every day, perfecting what He began until He comes back (Phil. 1:6). All that is truth. And in order to feel the kind of biblical significance that I should, I must believe what He says. This truth sets me free from my twisted opinions about myself and my significance.

Yet even when the truth is burning in my chest -- even when I believe what He says and I want to run this course with every ounce of passion I have -- there still lies another brick wall I always seem to slam into. Failure. Or rather, the fear of it. What if I did take that jump and go for what I think God wants me to do ... and then I failed? You know, hit the ground with a loud, painful thud. And everyone was watching. Suddenly taking that next step seems to be the most illogical, stupid thing I could ever imagine doing. And I'm paralyzed. Again.

Life in Christ really isn't about failure, however, it is about obedience. That makes a huge difference in my mind. Sometimes I become so fixated on the results (or the desired results) of my efforts that I loose sight of the purpose and motivation behind and beneath whatever I'm doing. God simply wants obedience. And if I follow Him into something and it "fails" or doesn't look like I wanted it to, if I was obedient, it really isn't a failure.

So with all that said, if I believe that God has called me to blog or write or speak or walk or share or collect red jelly beans (ok, so that last one was random), by all means I should cast the fear of failure behind me, believe who He is and what He says about me, and live in obedience to His Word. That's where I find my significance and purpose.

bouquet of sharpened pencils

It's that wonderful time of the year where textbooks arrive in the mail, the calendar becomes cluttered with test dates and reading schedules, and enjoyable things like blogging begrudgingly take their place in the back row of life. Yes, college has resumed and life hits a new gear. But in all honesty, I cannot dismiss the child-like thrill of looking through new textbooks and course notes, eager to discover the knowledge this semester will offer.

When I was younger, my favorite part of school was the beginning of the semester. Not only was I excited about new classes and books, but Mom and I would always venture to the office supply store to pick out new notebooks, pencils, pens, and other delectable writing materials that I seem to never get enough of.

All this to say, I am going to try my best to continue in my blogging motivation, but if I disappear you'll know why. Professors demand a little more attention than my creative writing, unfortunately. But I'll do my best to stick around.

in the residue of beginnings

I've been sitting here staring at this blinking cursor for about 15 minutes trying to think up something clever to blog about. I know I am probably making this more complicated than it should be (typical for me, you should know), but I struggle with beginning things sometimes. You might be the same way. It's like beginning a journal. That first page is so white and clean and perfect ... you almost don't want to mar it with black ink. Theoretically the rest of the journal hinges on that first page so I better make it good, I reason. But I guess if that intimidates me to never begin anything, something is wrong.

You see, I am stricken with a disease called perfectionism. And it's not as glamorous as it may sound. I consider it a plague, in fact. I can't see things without wincing at the potential failure. I am more likely to keep my hands to myself than reach out to see what it feels like. I content myself with staring through thick glass windows instead of trotting down the front porch steps to enjoy the rain or sunshine. Because, who knows? I might make a huge, terrible, unalterable mistake. (yes, that had a twinge of sarcasm in it...)

It seems naive in these little black words on the computer screen. But it gets bigger in my head. I'm tired of living life with this illusive raincloud staring over my shoulder. I was reading in the gospel of Matthew this morning and perused over some verses that are beginning to morph into an anthem for me.

"You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven." (Matt. 5:14-16)

After reading over these verses a couple of times to fight off the familiarity, I thought to myself, "Why are you living under a basket?" It may seem safer, but it's also stupid. And it will eventually suffocate you. God made you a light ... so shine. This could mean different things for different people. But a few things are core. One being our works. They are supposed to be good works that are obviously, but not blatantly (see Matthew 6:1), visible to the world. As God's workmanship (we are the light), we were created to walk in the good works which He prepared beforehand (Eph. 2:10). Figuring out what "works" He has prepared for me is where I trip myself up though. Again, this doesn't have to be complicated or confusing. I am finding that the simple, daily obedience to God's Word is what He desires.

The second principle is the glorification of our Father in heaven. It's really not about me or my works -- but about God. He is the ultimate objective here. My purpose on earth is to shine my light, but He is the reason and also the means of illumination. "For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ." (2 Cor. 4:6) Any light that I reflect is produced by Jesus Christ who enlightened my heart with His grace and truth.

I think some of my perfectionistic fixation (wow, what a mouthful) is rooted in my pride. I want to appear a certain way to people. I want my report card to speak of success instead of failures. I want to get off the ground with no bumps or bruises. No dents in the paint, so to speak. I only want people to see me shine when I look perfect. Well, that is just never going to happen. And in the beauty of God's grace, that's ok.

the thrill of a challenge

Ok, so I have an idea. In an effort to redeem my sporadic, somewhat non-existent blogging, I thought I could present myself with a little challenge. And those of you (and you know who you are...) who have fumbled your blogs as well can jump on the wagon too.

I want to blog everyday this month.

Yeah, you may point out that we are already three days into this month, but I figured better late than never. And hey, it's a new year! Time for fresh resolutions and renewed attempts. I'm sure it will take me a while to stretch my writing muscles again, and there will probably be a few fails, but maybe it will stick and I can get my foot back in the door. It's been great having a little (or long) break to just write privately and kinda hone my writing voice. Hopefully I can share some of the things I've learned. But it's time to start publishing again. Open the draft folder. Say it out loud.

And honestly, I miss blogging. I miss having a safe, fun, and challenging place to share thoughts with people. My audience has dwindled, I know. But to the faithful few of you out there still reading, I'm coming back. Who knows what kind of a month it could be?

two years old

Well today is Alabaster Box's second blogoversary! It almost slipped past me without notice! I'd like to take this moment to thank all of my incredible readers for making this journey inspiring and encouraing. You all have no idea how often I have been blessed by your words of kindness throughout these two years.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

a long-lost update

Honestly, I am surprised to know that people still read this blog, or at least that is what my stats tell me. I kinda want to offer some sort of apology but I think I have already done that a few posts ago ... time seems to skip by without my noticing. I was shocked to learn that today is August 1st. I mean, it's August! I was actually really excited, because it means autumn is almost here. Yes, dear readers, I still possess my strange but happy obsession with fall and all things related. I noticed today that there is a young maple tree in our backyard that has already began to flush crimson. Unbelievable. I feel like I am still living in June or something, but my calender tells me it is August. Strange.

Lots has been going on around here -- nothing especially exciting, but I have been keeping myself busy. But busyness can become a curse if I am not careful. It is so easy to hide behind it. I don't make time to think or pray or write or be -- because life is moving faster than I am able to keep up with. Being aware of such a thing has made me look for applications to help me slow down and discern what, why, where, and how I am doing on my journey with Christ and others. I have found journaling to be the perfect exercise.

Making myself sit down and put thoughts to paper is a challenge. Some days are easier than others, but when I do journal I feel much more coherent. I bought a book the other day called Creative Journal Writing, and thus far have truly enjoyed it (I am still in the early pages, so I cannot vouch for future content as to recommend it). I find that the more frequent and honest my journal entries, the more fruitful my mental and spiritual activity becomes. So I thought I would pose the question to you few faithful readers out there -- what do you think about busyness? Are there ways you have found to cope, eliminate, or deal with it? And do any of you find journaling a helpful antidote for life?

let's see if I can turn this into a blog post...

Have I forgotten how to write? You might assume I have seeing that the blog posts have been rather scarce lately. Honestly I have tried to get together several posts but nothing seems to be flowing correctly. Just for the record, I am working on finishing some posts answering the questions you all asked a few weeks ago, but that too is under lagging construction. Just so you know that I haven't fallen off the planet (or blogosphere), I am sending out an "I am alive, but my pen stopped moving" post.

In other news, I am preparing to head to summer camp until late next week serving as a counselor to about +15 teenagers. I am excited/nervous about that -- I have been working on the study everyone will be going through and it is incredible to say the least. I pray God uses me in ways that only He can in these camper's lives. So, if no new posts pop out next week I have a better excuse than what I am attempting to offer right now. If you wouldn't mind praying for me I would be SO GRATEFUL. This is going to be an intense week of study/mentoring/exercise.

I shall close with a few scraps of poetry I have been playing with. Hope everyone is enjoying their summer!

Your words are the deepest channel
constant and strong
soothing famished roots and broken souls.

When I plunge deeper
You are deeper still, faithfully restoring
perfect strength and living hope.

When I grow shallow and my soil turns to dust
You send water from the heavens
and revive my weakened trust.

You are near, always deeper
than my mind could ever plummet.
You are below me, all around me
a song that can't escape my head.

Questions from the Audience

Hello my blogging audience. It seems I am needing a little inspiration to get back motivated with my blogging, so I thought I would open a post for questions from my readers (that means you!). I will try to answer you questions in a following post in a few days. Questions can range from blogging (which, obviously, you may not want my advice on), Christianity, my life, books, music, femininity, or anything else you might think of. Maybe some of the answers can spark another train of thought I can salvage into a future blog post(s). Ask and you shall recieve. :)

(ps. the picture has nothing to do with this post, I just thought that the cupcake looked so good and I am really hungry.)

I emerge!

Wow -- I am a terrible blogger. Has it really been over two weeks since my last blog post?! Crazy.

Yesterday was the last day of my semester and I am trying on summer break to see how it feels. I think I like it. Finals went well enough; God was exceedingly merciful in so many ways, as He always is. Right now I am eager to jump into a new schedule and study some of my personal interests.

And I just now realized how much I've missed blogging.

Having a place to organize and share my (sometimes random) thoughts is helpful to me in many ways. I just hope I haven't disdained my readers by my lack of interaction! Well, I am back again, and to the few of you who still check this blog -- thank you -- and hopefully you will hear more from me soon.

6 things I have learned this year...

Surprise, surprise! Julia has tagged me to write 6 things I have learned this year. It was actually hard for me to nailed down only six... maybe if the number had been near 200 I would have an easier time? Anyway, here are my *only* six things:

1. In the Christian's life, surrender is victory.

2. God is faithful. Really, He is.

3. Darkness is for a moment. Dawn always comes.

4. Don't give up on people. With God, people do and can change.

5. Loneliness is not a sin. God cares how you handle it.

6. That there is always more to learn. About people, about God, about me.

... and this is by no means an exhaustive list! God has taught me so much this year, and attempting to put words to it would fill a blog, book, and mind. But stay tuned - as I process and learn, I always love to share.

Here are the rules for this tag:

State six things you have learned this year.
Tag at least six people.
Leave comments on their blogs letting them know they've been tagged.

I tag:

Erin
Olivia
Maria Pauline
Ella
Phylicia
Stephanie

What about you? What has God shown you this year?

Randomness

I have been tagged by Kasie to write six random things about me. I think I have done something like this before, but I'm sure I can muster up six more random facts about myself, since I am very, uh, random?

Anyway, here are the rules before I begin:

 

Link to the person who tagged you.

Post the rules on your blog.

Write six random things about yourself.

Tag sixish people at the end of your post.

Let each person know he or she has been tagged.

Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

 

Here is some of my randomness...

1. I have had a cup of tea at 30,000 feet in the air. (in an airplane)

2. My appendix was removed even though I have never had an appendicitis.

3. When I was little, I thought lakes were big bathtubs.

4. As I habit I am trying to break, I pull out my eyelashes when I watch TV.

5. One of my legs is longer than the other, although no one can tell.

6. I am a "bookaholic". Picture to prove below.



I Tag:

Courtney

Carley

Olivia

Allison

Rebekah

Jasmine

Back Home from DG

We have arrived back home from an active and encouraging conference weekend. Although both Mom and I are pretty exhausted, we are thankful for the opportunity to worship and learn with 3,000 other believers. Our hearts are full.

I cannot wait to expound more on what the Lord is in the process of teaching me from the sessions and speakers; hope you are up to hearing them! I can't wait to process through my notes and implant what truths God has for me - and write to secure what I'm learning.

While at the conference I met a few fellow bloggers, Olivia, and Abraham and Molly Piper (and little Morrow!), and Carolyn McCulley, which was uniquely exciting. They were all incredibly nice and remain true to their perception found on their blogs. It is rather exciting to meet people face to face whom you would only otherwise only meet in blogosphere. God is so good.

I also met John Piper. (Yeah, I know!) That was an amazing experience. For so long I have enjoyed his books and writings, and to finally meet him face to face was incredible. He signed the inside cover of my Bible and we got to talk for a short while. For such a powerful and passionate speaker, in conversation he is sincerely gentle and interested in everyone. Even after preaching intensely for over an hour he was constantly smiling and never rushed any of us along. I am so thankful to Lord allowed me to meet him.

Well, I have many insights swirling around in my head that will hopefully rest on paper soon. Again, I thank you for all your prayers and kindness with your comments. I have missed you all! But I am back with many words in my heart, and instruction on how to properly and biblically let them out.

Here I Go...

Today my Mom and I are getting on a plane and heading to Minnesota for the Desiring God Conference! I am sure you can imagine my excitement... to see John Piper (and others) preaching right before my eyes. It should be an event I will remember the rest of my life. Ah, I can't wait...

I will try to update while I am there, although I don't know how well my internet service will be. Please pray for Mom and my safety, and for the Lord to prepare us for the work He will do in our hearts. I am truly looking forward to the lessons to be learned and understood. (and spending some special alone time with Mom) :)

Hope to bring you an update soon!

Blog... to develop an eye for what is meaningful

In honor of my one year blogoversary, I have decided to do a small series on why I blog based on an excellent article by Abraham Piper. Even though the article was written to persuade pastors to blog, I have found the reasons and principles to be true for any Christian blogger.

I most appreciate this aspect of blogging: it helps you develop and eye for what is meaningful.

Abraham Piper writes:

For good or ill, most committed bloggers live with the constant question in their mind: Is this bloggable? This could become a neurosis, but I’ll put a positive spin on it: It nurtures a habit of looking for insight and wisdom and value in every situation, no matter how mundane.

Funny, but it really does. I think this can apply to journalling as well, but with blogging the whole wide world can see what you are thinking. And that should effect what we blog. I am learning to keep my readers in the forefront of my mind, and to blog what you and I consider valuable.

Even without blogging, my mind is consistently filtering information and events, probing though what is profitable and questioning if the Lord is teaching me something through this. Blogging only enhances this practice, because it gives a place to record these reflections. Life is full of valuable treasures. But we must search for them.

If you live life looking for what is worthwhile in every little thing, you will see more of what God has to teach you. And the more he teaches you, the more you can teach others. As you begin to be inspired and to collect ideas, you will find that the new things you’ve seen and learned enrich far more of your life than just your blog.

A few updates

Some of you may have noticed the address change for Alabaster Box a few weeks ago. If not, then I will announce that this blog has moved from alabasterboxblog.wordpress.com to alabasterboxblog.com - don't fret, both URLs will work, but if you don't mind changing your links I would be grateful. I thought it was time I invested in my own domain name. Hopefully it will be a little easier to remember.

Also, I have been reorganizing the Features page to make it easy to browse and locate the different features and series on this blog. I have decided the create pages instead of posts for the Alabaster Heart interviews and list them all on one page for simple browsing. From now on I will alert readers to new Alabaster Hearts with a short post or update in the sidebar. Speaking of which, there are two new Alabaster Hearts for your encouragement... go on and check them out! :)

Erica's Alabaster Heart and Ashley's Alabaster Heart

Blog... to recommend

In honor of my one year blogoversary, I have decided to do a small series on why I blog, based on an excellent article by Abraham Piper. Even though the article was written to persuade pastors to blog, I have found the reasons and principles to be true for any Christian blogger.

Another great reason to blog is to recommend: 

I personally love this aspect of blogging, mainly because I enjoy recommending books, disciplines, blogs and Jesus Christ. It is always fun to recommend something to only one person, but by blogging you can suggest something to hundreds of people. Which is another reminder to be careful what you advertise and what tone you suggest with. Abraham Piper writes:

Blogs are not generally good places to be didactic. Rather, they’re ideal for suggesting and commending. I’ve learned, after I write, to go back and cut those lines that sound like commands or even overbearing suggestions, no matter how right they may be. Because if it’s true for my audience, it’s true for me, so why not word it in such a way that I’m the weak one, rather than them?

Yes, a very good reminder. Grace is needed even in blogging. I have found that the more transparent the writer is about a struggle while offering a helpful recommendation, the more liable I am to accept their suggestions. For example, if someone admits their battle with depression and endorses a certain discipline or resource to aid, the victims of similar struggles will likely try or buy the recommendation. The joys of recommending hang heavily on the integrity and honesty of the recommender. 

Recommendation, however, is more than pointing people to helpful things. It’s a tone of voice, an overall aura that good blogs cultivate.

Let us cultivate the character of honesty and humility in our blogging and beyond.

Blog... to teach

In honor of my one year blogoversary, I have decided to do a small series on why I blog based on an excellent article by Abraham Piper. Even though the article was written to persuade pastors to blog, I have found the reasons and principles to be true for any Christian blogger.

Another important reason I blog is to teach:

A blog is a perfect place for those 30-second nuggets of truth that come in your devotions or while you’re reading the newspaper. You may never write a full-fledged article about these brief insights or preach a whole sermon, but via your blog, your people can still learn from them just like you did.

Mr. Piper is right. My blog is pretty much completely comprised of these little "nuggets of truth" the Lord shows me in my quiet time. Some things are just too good not to share! In addition, as I mentioned in my last post in this series, blogging helps you formulate complete thoughts. It aids in taking a simple reflection to a fully considered and well-rounded thought.

All Scripture is useful for teaching (2 Timothy 3:16), thus one of the best things to blog about is Scripture, if your purpose is to teach. I have never considered myself much of a "teacher", but the Lord is a great Teacher. I only relate what He teaches me. "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another." (Col. 3:16) You'll also be surprised what you learn.

Blog... to write

In honor of my one year blogoversary, I have decided to do a small series on why I blog, based on an excellent article by Abraham Piper. Even though the article was written to persuade pastors to blog, I have found the reasons and principles to be true for any Christian blogger.

The first reason I blog is to write:

Blogging is an excellent method for cultivating and honing your writing skills, if thoughtfully recognized. By writing enough to form a well-written blog post, you are formulating ideas and completing thoughts. Plus you have the added benefit of hearing how well your writing is accepted and understood by your commentors (keeping in mind that expressing truth will not always be warmly "accepted"). Your commentors can also help in sharpening and shaping your published ideas and thoughts.

Keeping up a blog also inspires you to write consistently. Normally our lives refuse make room to sit down and write, but having a blog creates an artistic outlet to regularly write quality thoughts.

Abraham Piper writes,

There is no better way to simply and quickly share your writing than by maintaining a blog. And if you’re serious about your blog, it will help you not only in your thinking, but in your discipline as well, as people begin to regularly expect quality insight from you.

Let us also remember that blogging is talking to real people. Every word should be carefully typed. "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." Ephesians 4:29

Alabaster Box: 1 year old!

One year ago today marks the creation of this blog. Honestly, when I started blogging, I didn't think I would keep it up. I hardly understood what a blog was. Just goes to show there is much I have yet to learn.

For me, blogging has been a surprising blessing. It is more than a place to type and publish. I share my heart with people. The gospel is spreading through a little corner of the internet. Friendships are forming with people I will probably never meet until eternity. I am growing in my love for the Lord by writing why, how, and Who I love. Having a place to share my thoughts knowing someone is listening is a refreshing comfort. And hearing from readers across the globe is humbly amazing, and a pleasure I wasn't anticipating. Through my 157 posts and your 1,248 comments, I have learned much. You are a huge part of this journey.

And in honor of my 1 year blogoversary post, I simply wanted to thank you...

You have encouraged, challenged, inspired, refreshed, corrected, embraced, and loved me - someone you have yet to ever meet - by listening to my heart and responding with kindness. It is more than I could ask for.

So here is to another year of sharing and discussing through this creative world of blogging.

Thank you, thank you.