the greater need

“Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth.” Psalms 73:25

Nothing else on earth should capture my attention or fulfill my desire like Jesus should. My restless soul is a draining oppression that is never satisfied. And if my life is patterned to follow this selfish course, my days are a waste and my heart is still discontent. Life centered on Christ is the path to joy – true, lasting joy – that is not affected by outward circumstances or inward feelings. Joy in Christ is passionate and satisfying.

Instead of praying for desires I think need to be met, I struggle and strive to focus on Him as my one true desire, my Fullness for every emptiness.

My mind goes back to an entry in my journal a few years ago about this same struggle:

As I quietly prayed in my heart this morning, I noticed a repetitive phrase entering my prayers above all else: “Lord, I desire…”

This is not to say that those desires were (are) wrong. Having more patience is a good desire. Strength for a friend is a good desire. A godly future husband is a good desire. But dependence on those desires is unhealthy and unbiblical for my heart. Even in my best attempts to have “focused prayer” on Jesus alone, my mind slowly wanders to the desires I want God to make happen.

I just desire so much...

Each day, my prayers are filled with what I perceive to be my greatest needs. I try to remind God of these needs, but He sees deeper into my heart than I do … and sees the greater need. My greatest needs are not what I think they are. My greatest need is Jesus: to experience Him, to know Him, to feel Him in every day. He is my all in all.

When Jesus becomes my first desire, all the other desires and needs I have fall into their rightful place; cast at the feet of Jesus. He becomes supreme in my heart, which is exactly where He needs to be. Earthy needs and desires dim in the light of His glory and grace. He alone meets my deepest and most desperate needs.

“I have set the Lord continually before me; because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and and my glory rejoices: my flesh will dwell securely.” Psalms 16:8-9

(repost)

a beauty that speaks of permanence

Perhaps I should begin with a disclaimer. None of the qualities I hope to describe below can be applied as easily as make-up and mascara. Because this kind of beauty deals with "the hidden person of the heart," simply touching up the physical won't cut it. We cannot live out the beauty of biblical womanhood apart from the sanctifying work of the gospel and the power of the Spirit. This is what sets us apart, makes us holy, and develops true beauty. The times that I have become frustrated with my lack of holy beauty is always a direct result of ignoring the ultimate source of imperishable beauty: Jesus Christ. Now, with that said...

Let's begin with a question. According to God, what defines a beautiful woman? Out of all the voices and pictures and opinions of what true beauty is, what does our Creator and Savior esteem as beautiful? In so many ways I deeply appreciate God's definition of beauty because mere physical attractiveness is obviously varying and perishable. Unlike our culture which has a "pattern" of what beauty encompasses, God's standard is less somatic and much more transcendent. Here it is, straight from His mouth:

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. (1 Peter 3:3-4)

According to God, beauty shouldn't have a "best if used by" date on it. Nor should it be explained through external techniques. Beauty revolves around something you can't really see. It involves your attitude, your presence, your thoughts, and your standards -- and the manner in which you present them. In a world where women are respected for being assertive and dominating, God calls for gentleness in a woman. This is not a "pat on the head" kind of nature. It is entirely more than that -- and I love this definition.

According to the Greek, "gentleness" is a meekness toward God and a disposition of spirit in which we accept His dealings with us as good, and therefore without disputing or resisting. Gentleness is the opposite to self-assertiveness and self-interest. It stems from trust in God's goodness and control over the situation. The gentle person isn't occupied with self at all. This attitude is a work of the Holy Spirit, not of the human will (Gal 5:23).

Beauty is a quiet spirit. It does not demand attention or proclaim it's presence. It does not depend on a pretty face or skin tone to thrive. But by it's nature, beauty reflects the presence of God in a soul. If a woman is truly beautiful by God's standard, there is no denying that something is different about her. When held up to the glossy-faced models on magazine covers, the judge is left speechless because the two are opposites in value. It's like comparing a piece of paper to the ocean. One can almost be seen through, the other's depth cannot be calculated.

I want this permanent beauty. I want people to be drawn to what's behind my eyes instead of the clothes I wear or the structure of my face. Because whatever physical beauty I have, it will fade. If the object of my life is to glorify God (Matt. 5:16), then I pray my attitude, my trust in God, my submission to the Spirit, my disposition and gentleness points clearly to Jesus Christ. I want God and His sanctifying work to define the conclusion of beauty. As God perfects the spirit within me, the more I hope people stop looking at me and behold the beauty of God.

start the day right

What are some things you simply must have to start your day off right? Well, one of my necessities is brewing downstairs and the other is sitting on the end table beside me. A hot cup of tea puts the "good" in my morning, but the leather-bound book at my elbow filled with underlines and red words gives meaning to my life. But I am sometimes guilty of neglecting it. Somehow it seems easier to pour a second cup of tea than to peel open the cover of God's Word and drink it in. Really, it makes no sense because those words on holy pages would outlast the effects even a good cup of tea has on me.

But with every morning comes the opportunity to begin it right. This morning has the potential to launch a wonderful day given the right fuel. And so with a steaming mug of tea in hand, I open wide the beautiful gilded pages that history and time couldn't erase and pray my heart listens. It's going to be a good day.

in the residue of beginnings

I've been sitting here staring at this blinking cursor for about 15 minutes trying to think up something clever to blog about. I know I am probably making this more complicated than it should be (typical for me, you should know), but I struggle with beginning things sometimes. You might be the same way. It's like beginning a journal. That first page is so white and clean and perfect ... you almost don't want to mar it with black ink. Theoretically the rest of the journal hinges on that first page so I better make it good, I reason. But I guess if that intimidates me to never begin anything, something is wrong.

You see, I am stricken with a disease called perfectionism. And it's not as glamorous as it may sound. I consider it a plague, in fact. I can't see things without wincing at the potential failure. I am more likely to keep my hands to myself than reach out to see what it feels like. I content myself with staring through thick glass windows instead of trotting down the front porch steps to enjoy the rain or sunshine. Because, who knows? I might make a huge, terrible, unalterable mistake. (yes, that had a twinge of sarcasm in it...)

It seems naive in these little black words on the computer screen. But it gets bigger in my head. I'm tired of living life with this illusive raincloud staring over my shoulder. I was reading in the gospel of Matthew this morning and perused over some verses that are beginning to morph into an anthem for me.

"You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven." (Matt. 5:14-16)

After reading over these verses a couple of times to fight off the familiarity, I thought to myself, "Why are you living under a basket?" It may seem safer, but it's also stupid. And it will eventually suffocate you. God made you a light ... so shine. This could mean different things for different people. But a few things are core. One being our works. They are supposed to be good works that are obviously, but not blatantly (see Matthew 6:1), visible to the world. As God's workmanship (we are the light), we were created to walk in the good works which He prepared beforehand (Eph. 2:10). Figuring out what "works" He has prepared for me is where I trip myself up though. Again, this doesn't have to be complicated or confusing. I am finding that the simple, daily obedience to God's Word is what He desires.

The second principle is the glorification of our Father in heaven. It's really not about me or my works -- but about God. He is the ultimate objective here. My purpose on earth is to shine my light, but He is the reason and also the means of illumination. "For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ." (2 Cor. 4:6) Any light that I reflect is produced by Jesus Christ who enlightened my heart with His grace and truth.

I think some of my perfectionistic fixation (wow, what a mouthful) is rooted in my pride. I want to appear a certain way to people. I want my report card to speak of success instead of failures. I want to get off the ground with no bumps or bruises. No dents in the paint, so to speak. I only want people to see me shine when I look perfect. Well, that is just never going to happen. And in the beauty of God's grace, that's ok.

silent fears that aren't so silent

Sometimes I feel as if I am standing on the edge of something great, something awesome, something absolutely terrifying. Teetering between taking one step back toward the safety of the familiar or one step into the unwritten future, I am calculating the cost of both. History can be comforting and confining. I struggle to move away from what I know, yet I silently yearn for the unvoiced melodies to be discovered by taking a step into what is uncomfortably new. The choice watches me as a wake, sighs when I sleep, whispers as I venture about my day. Don't be afraid if the door is opening. Walk on.

It's amazing to me how much our daily choices reflect what we are afraid of. If it is unknown, different, or frightening we automatically choose the safest route away from what we are silently afraid of. Oftentimes we don't even recognize it. Maybe we blame our safe choices on our "personalities"... you know, I just don't like "change" or "the unknown". Well -- newsflash -- no one really likes change. It's uncomfortable. It feels weird. It makes us change when sometimes we really don't want to. So perhaps technically we could all use that excuse. It's in all of our personalities to make the safe choice, to do what is comfortable, to try our best to keep things just the way they are.

But sometimes God is calling to us over the cliff. It's part of growing. We must take a deep breath. We must take the jump. We must change. In our hearts we know this is the truth and we know it's very good. But yet that queasy stab of fear grouts our feet to the floor. Maybe if we don't move at all He will stop pushing. Nope. Because of the cure of fear: love.

What we are afraid of will dictate -- unless we trust something greater than fear. "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." (1 John 4:18) Perfect love talks louder than fear. How? Through inserting a foundation firm enough to walk on, deep enough to trust, loud enough to hear, and constant enough to follow. If someone is waiting on the other side of your fears with a grip on your heart stronger than you first assumed, well that just might change everything. In fact, it does.

it's a perfect day

And here I am again -- the bad blogger - seeking to redeem lost time and posts with a fresh hello. There is just no time for blogging anymore! I have still managed to maintain a healthy personal journal, but my blogging so easily gets shoved aside on my way to getting things done. All that to say -- hello, I'm still here, I know you thought you would never see another post from me, but I thought I would shock you.

In other news, autumn is soooo close! As I write this post, my windows are open allowing the soothing sounds of crunchy leaves and wind to set the mood. It's a perfect day. Autumn is the most wonderful season ... in my personal opinion. :)

Lately I have been thinking about knowing Christ, in particular from the perspective of Paul who penned the verses "Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ." (Phil 3:8) I know I have blogged again and again about these verses, but, I mean, this attitude is incredible! But my great sorrow is that I don't possess this attitude most of the time. I get distracted, complacent, and comfortable in my progress as a believer -- instead of running hard after Jesus. But, the motivation for pursuing Christ is clearly seeing the great, surpassing value of knowing Him. I want this vision. I want a greater taste of the mind-blowing value of knowing this Savior.

and life moves on

You know that life is moving faster than you can keep up with when you carry around your day planner instead of a good book. My semester has begun and it is time to bid summer a tender farewell. But I am kinda ready for new seasons. That delightful autumny nip is in the air -- and I am ready to welcome this season.

Last Thursday was my birthday. 22 years old. Such milestones make me look back and remember past seasons with gratefulness. I told my Mom the other day, "I look back and see that I have come a long way ... but I still have so far to go." That's ok. The journey offers many joys and sorrows, hard lessons and abiding love, sweet memories and hope for the future. It's a good life.

Yesterday on my walk I noticed a delicate leaf slightly painted with scarlet and gold, and I remembered back to the post I wrote around this time last year about rushing the seasons. I went back and re-read it this morning. It still rings true. Yet, maybe (hopefully) I have grown in patience. I am strangely restful and hopeful right now. God promises to complete the work He has started in me (Phil. 1:6) and He promises that I will reap a harvest if I do not loose heart (Gal. 6:9). And I believe Him.

Action is Required.

I was listening to someone talk about Christians the other day. Unfortunately the conclusion of the discussion ended with this thought: Christians are so apathetic.

We love the Word, we love hearing awesome speakers, we love getting together to discuss what we learn -- but we lack the motivation to do anything as a result of truth. This is why Jesus' words concluding the Sermon on the Mount were so powerful to me. Not only does Jesus demand that we hear His Word, but that we must act on what we have heard.

"Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock. Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and it fell--and great was its fall." (Matt. 7:24-27 NASB)

If we would only follow our Master's example. He did not recline in heaven watching as we drifted further and further into destruction. He acted. He stepped into our story -- He became our story -- and changed the world forever. His action should motivate us to act on His words.

Why don't we act? I can only speak for myself: I hear His words -- and they are good -- but the action (or lack thereof) silently proves that either I don't believe Him to be true, or that I value my own opinion and complacently more than His demands. Both options are sinful -- and the result, as Jesus said, is destruction.

"But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing." (James 1:22-25 ESV)

So ... what action is God requiring you to take? What has He spoken to you? Have you heard His words and failed to move? Are you adding to the library of knowledge and failing to exercise application? These are the questions I ask myself today.

Capriciousness and Camomile

(This is a follow-up to my questions post from a dew days ago. I have decided to break  some of the questions into individual posts for space and clarity.)

Kit (echoed by Jen and Camille) asked: "How in the world do we as women deal with our crazy up and down emotions, particularly from a Biblical perspective? Have you had experiences like this, and what did you do? And what tea did you drink while you were doing it? :) "

To begin, yes, I do struggle with my emotions. And hopefully I am learning to handle them better through God's grace and truth, though I am by no means an expert. I only know that the goal of my life is "to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God." (Col. 1:10) Applying this to my emotional life has helped shape a backbone into a somewhat varied and unstable issue.

But let me quickly address a common false assumption among many truth-loving Christians regarding emotions. First of all, emotions are not evil. I have been guilty of such a judgment. Somewhere in my quest to honor God with my emotions I confused emotions with sin. We cannot fall into this trap. Emotions are created by God and can be used to glorify and enhance our love for Him. If we think that by snuffing or ignoring the existence of emotions is pleasing God, we have grossly missed the mark and discolored a fundamental distinction between humans and the rest of creation. So rather than disdaining our emotions, we must learn how to properly and biblically facilitate them.

Let's start at ground level. God made us. He made emotions. So obviously He can direct us in the right course on how to handle them. Emotions are not the truth, but they can align with (or contradict) the truth. The key is to create (or rather discover in Scripture) a bold, unwavering line in which we can examine our emotions to see if they align to God's standard. We should never act on or build upon a shifty foundation, and our emotions are capricious and make horrible footings. We need something stronger and immovable as our foundation -- we need the Word of God to consent or condemn the changing colors of our feelings.

All this sounds good and most of us know this, but how do we practically apply this to those, to borrow Anne of Green Gables' term, "depths of despair" days? I see it like this: Last year I had a thriving jasmine vine whose sole desire was to spread it's branches onto anything and everything it could reach. I bought a wooden trellis to give it some healthy direction instead of growing into high traffic areas on the back deck and getting torn or smashed, but it seemed like I had to re-position it back onto the trellis every morning because overnight it would get out of shape again.

We are exactly like that jasmine. Situations, irritations, people and hormones bend us out of shape and we lash out with purely emotional voltage. We wrap ourselves around unhealthy objects or follow unsafe patterns fed by our emotions that harm the people around us and ourselves, not to mention we sadden the heart of our Father God. Re-shaping our attitudes and feelings in accordance with God's Word (our solid trellis) is the only comfort and hope for the emotional soul.

SO ... the first point is to know what the Word says about how we are to feel; we are to be "increasing in the knowledge of God." Here are a few samples to refute or reaffirm disparate emotions.

• When feeling anxious, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything with prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” Philippians 4:6


• When feeling afraid, “When I am afraid, I put my trust in You.” Psalms 56:3


• When feeling uncertain, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” James 1:5


• When feeling depressed, “From the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for You have been my refuge.” Psalms 61:2-3


• When feeling alone, “For He has said, “I will never leave you or forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5


• When feeling stressed, “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28


• When feeling unloved, “But God demonstrates His own love towards us in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

Secondly, don't be afraid to ask God for grace in times of need. Hebrews 4:15-16 assures us, "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Unlike ourselves, God's emotions are holy and stable -- so we are never going to catch Him in a "bad moment." He is sympathetic and merciful to the asking, needy heart. In my worst moments of emotional caos, one of the greatest aids is to stop, even if it is for a moment, and humbly ask God for grace. Taking a moment to assess the damage, define the cause, repent of failings, and welcome grace is the remedy for those crazy up and down emotions that we all expereince. And while we're at it, a good cup of camomile tea is defnitely a saving grace.

Stay Close

Far back as I can remember I have loved Psalms 73, especially the ending:

Whom have I in heaven but You?
And besides You, I desire nothing on earth.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
For, behold, those who are far from You will perish;
You have destroyed all those who are unfaithful to You.
But as for me, the nearness of God is my good;
I have made the Lord GOD my refuge,
That I may tell of all Your works.

Throughout the seasons of life, I find myself returning and feeding on the beautiful truths and comfort found here. Because honestly, at all times, I desire God's nearness above all. This psalm presents such an honesty about my frailty: my flesh and my heart fail me. They are unfaithful to trust in. And stability I seek can't settle upon either of these.

But Jesus -- sweet Jesus -- is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. He is a rock that is higher than I. He is the exact amount I need every day. When I lack courage and my knees shake under the fear, Christ infuses a perfect timely strength which enables me to keep walking in faith. When I struggle with desires for more, for seasons in the future, for what I don't have, Jesus is my portion. He is and gives exactly what I need for every moment. My cup is always full.

When I wander from His presence I dreadfully perish. My nurishement and hope is misplaced onto objects weak and vain, and I feel their deficientcy in my core. My good is found only in the Lord's nearness. He is my refuge and desire. My greatest need and purpose is to stay close to Jesus... for my joy is found in Him.

UPDATE:

This morning brought the news of my grandmother's death from cancer. I humbly ask for your prayers for my family and myself as we travel to participate in the funeral. Considering what I wrote in this post last night reminds me of the strength and portion He daily gives. His nearness is my greatest comfort.

Thank you for your prayers and comments! It means so much to know you are praying.

time to bloom

I am in one of those moods in which I have much to say -- but I can't get it out in a logical way. Anyone ever have those moments? I have begun about five or six blog posts all encompassing different subjects, but after reading over them . . . let's just say I want to spare you a few rabbit trails. I am attempting to make this post stick.

Today was a gorgeous day. I took a short walk outside just to observe the budding glory of springtime. Color is softly transforming the muted landscapes around me. Tiny delicate buds pop out of the ends of limbs and plants and spread tones of interest to our world. It's beautiful. It's a metaphor for so many subjects.

You may have heard the slogan "bloom where you're planted." I think many people might overlook the bravery and vulnerability it takes to "bloom." Think about it. Winter has snuffed any possible growth with it's frigid, unforgiving control for the past few months. Suddenly the world becomes warm again -- but who knows if it will last. The decision to bloom is dangerous. One delayed frost could stab tender life. Yet . . .

I see blooms.

There is a simple beauty -- a reckless trust -- about springtime. Nature believes that life is here to stay. Winter is over. Time has come to heal and grow. I understand that many of our lives are in this same season. Winter has been cruel. Perhaps we are afraid to ever grow again -- what if we are nipped in the bud?

Fear is our winter . . . yet it is time to trust Jesus enough to bloom in hope and faith. "Perfect love casts out fear..." (1 John 4:18) When the love of Christ has been perfected in us -- when it has mastered us -- our fear impishly sits down and courage rises. It's the beauty of abiding in the Vine.

Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in Me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.  (John 15:4-5)

I don't know exactly what you may be facing or what pains winter has inflicted, but I do know that settling in the shadows is not the answer. Loving Jesus is about trusting Jesus; having His love season and infuse truth, joy, and strength in us. We can break forth and bear fruit because Jesus is completing the work He began in us.

Springtime is here. Time to bloom.

Faith's Appetite

The fight of faith is the fight to stay satisfied with God. “By faith Moses. . . forsook the fleeting pleasures of sin ... He looked to the reward” (Heb 11:24-26). Faith is not content with “fleeting pleasures.” It is ravenous for joy. And the Word of God says, “In God’s presence is fullness of joy, and in his right hand are pleasures for evermore” (Psalm 16:11). So faith will not be sidetracked into sin. It will not give up so easily in its quest for maximum joy.

The role of God’s Word is to feed faith’s appetite for God. And in doing this it weans my heart away from the deceptive taste of lust. At first lust begins to trick me into feeling that I would really miss out on some great satisfaction if I followed the path of purity. But then I take up the sword of the Spirit and begin to fight. I read that it is better to gouge out my eye than to lust (Matt 5:29). I read that if I think about things that are pure and lovely and excellent the peace of God will be with me (Phil 4:8). I read that setting the mind on the flesh brings death, but setting the mind on the Spirit brings life and peace (Rom 8:6).

And as I pray for my faith to be satisfied with God’s life and peace, the sword of the Spirit carves the sugar coating off the poison of lust. I see it for what it is. And by the grace of God, its alluring power is broken.

The challenge before us then is not merely to do what God says because He is God, but to desire what God says because he is good. The challenge is not merely to pursue righteousness, but to prefer righteousness. The challenge is to get up in the morning and prayerfully meditate on the Scriptures until we experience joy and peace in believing “the precious and very great promises” of God (Rom 15:13; 2 Peter 1:4). With this joy set before us the commandments of God will not be burdensome (1 John 5:3) and the compensation of sin will appear too brief and too shallow to lure us.

--John Piper (source)

Can I Trust God?

Have you ever asked yourself, "Why should I trust God?"

Trust is a delicate issue. No one can simply "produce" trust just because we are commanded to. Trust comes as a result of knowing, believing, and resting in the character or stability of something or someone. This directly relates to trusting in the Lord as well. We can't trust God if we don't know God.

In my quiet times, I have been meditating a lot on Psalms 37, especially verse 3. It says, "Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness." Cultivate faithfulness can also read feed on His faithfulness. Can understanding God's faithfulness relate to our trusting in Him? I believe so.

In Lamentations 3:21-25 it says, "This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. The LORD'S loving-kindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I have hope in Him." The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him."

After I dissected those verses a little bit, I made a list of God's character traits explained in these verses that effect and even produce trust in God. Here is what I came up with:

• His loving-kindness never ceases.


• His compassion never fails.


• His faithfulness is great.


• He is my portion.


• He is my hope.


• He is good to those who wait for Him.


• He is good to those who seek Him.

This small list contains huge, life-altering truths that are pertinent to my trusting in the Lord. I can trust Him because His compassion never runs out. I can trust Him because He is my hope in terrifying times. I can trust Him because He is good to those who wait for Him and seek Him. His faithfulness to me is GREAT. His faithfulness reaches to the skies (Ps. 36:5). My heart can rest securely in His character and His promises.

So, can I trust God? ... yes. A thousand times, yes.

complete trust

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

How many times have I heard that verse? 50 times? 100? And yet, how often do I obey it? I can tell you, those numbers are much smaller. Trust is something I am striving to apply in my life right now. There are so many things I am hoping for... waiting for... and I am trusting God to bring what needs to be brought and hold back what needs to wait. Leaning on my own understanding is such a temptation for me. My view is only a partial outlook -- but I still attempt to make decisions based only on what I can see. God sees all things. He is wise and all-knowing. But my stubborn heart loves to lean on my limited vision of life instead of His.

Why? Because I trust in me instead of Him.

Trust involves two things: letting go and holding on. And those are not conflicting. Right now in my life, I am having to let go of what I can't control and release the future, my heart, and my desires into God's hands. But I also hold onto Him. Even tighter.

Trusting in myself is never a good idea.

Thus says the Lord: "Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the Lord. He is like a shrub in the desert, and shall not see any good come. He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness, in an uninhabited salt land. Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.” (Jeremiah 17:5-8)

My flesh is not my strength, yet I rely on it all too often. I want to be like the tree planted by the waters, a woman who has complete trust in her God. Who releases what I cannot control or understand, and clings securely to God, who is worthy of trust.

"Commit your way to Him, trust also in Him, and He will do it." (Ps. 37:5)

the beauty of abiding

It is an unusual feeling to realize I can do nothing.

Let that soak in. I am making you wait for the next phrase. Yes, the verse continues, "I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing." (John 15:5) But I don't really believe that most of the time, or at lease I don't live like it. If I was a branch (that is a funny phrase...), I would be climbing up the trellis of life, typically unaware that my sustenance and vitality comes from the Vine I am implanted in. If I am growing, it inevitably means that I am connected to the Vine.

Still further, if I am not growing -- there is only one possible conclusion. I have ceased to abide in the Vine. And there I am, fruitless and able to do nothing apart from the Source of my life.

When I think about the word "abide," I often picture something like a glove or umbrella. The word creates for me a vision of envelopment and enclosure. When you slide a glove onto your hand, the glove moves with your gestures; it is conformed to the image and mission of your hand. Also with an umbrella, if located directly under it's wings, you are protected from the dangerous and troubled weather. In both cases, the enveloped and protected are "abiding" in their individual ways.

I want my life to represent both. I want to attain an absolute closeness to the Father's hands, making His missions mine, and His movements my own. I also desire to dwell securely under His protection, to fully rest under His sovereignty and faithful grace. Just as every branch is deeply embedded into the main vine, I want my life to wrap around--to center on--Jesus. And for me, the first step towards authentic abiding is recognizing my total insignificance without Him. I can do absolutely nothing without Him. Honestly.

When I look into the face of an infant, I see in their eyes what I desire. They are recklessly dependent upon a source other than themselves, but yet (most of the time) they are peacefully content and trusting. They sleep in the arms of their parents. They smile naturally at their providers. They rest and abide in the faithful provision and care of their guardian.

How much more should I abide in the arms of my Lord? He is actually beyond comparision to earthly parents. His ways are perfect and everlasting. And He invites us to abide in His love (John 15:9). Finding solace and strength in the only True Vine allows me to live fruitfully and to thrive amidst life. The connection is sure. And my heart rejoices in the closeness of Christ. "As for me, the nearness of God is my good..." (Ps. 73:28)

A Centerpiece

I did something unusual the other day. I wrote in the first space of this week in my day planner "time with God."

You might assume me to be very devout and spiritual, but actually -- when I got to thinking about it later, I am quite foolish. The fact that I must "pencil" God into my day reveals something in me that contrasts holiness, maybe even borders heathenism. What I thought was godly prioritizing was in fact placing God in a time slot.

I try to be careful and keep God at the top of my priorities. You know, "seek first the kingdom of God." But I never realized that squeezing Him into an upper compartment of my life was actually degrading His value and encompassing worth. Knowing and honoring Jesus doesn't simply involve bumping Him up to the top of my "to-do" list. What does He want? Where does He belong in my life?

He must be at the center.

Throughout my day, as I am busy following my schedule, working on activities, interacting with people, and completing assignments ... all this should revolve around Him, instead of "start out" with Him. If I take Him into every activity, every relationship, and every circumstance He will saturate me and those around me, enabling me to walk by faith and love others unconditionally and support those who are weak. I need Him in every moment, not just the morning slot of my day. His presence should permeate life.

Charlie Hall sings a song called Center that proclaims this chorus:

Christ be the center of our lives
Be the place we fix our eyes
Be the center of our lives
We lift our eyes to heaven
We wrap our lives around your life
We lift our eyes to heaven, to You

It is my fervent desire that my life is wrapped around His life -- instead of the other way around. God must become the centerpiece of my heart and the place I fix my eyes. I want "to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God," (Eph. 3:19) and to carry that fullness into every day.

Sweet Infusion

Have you ever watched a teabag sink into a cup of steamy water and observed the strands of color glide out of the teabag and paint the water? I know I am probably insane, but I love watching tea infuse. A spicy aroma climbs out of the cup soaking the air and enhancing the practice of drinking tea.

I have a glass plate sitting above my bed that reads: "Women are like tea bags. We don't know our true strength until we are in hot water." (Eleanor Roosevelt)  Lately, I have not been pleased with my heart's infusings. Life's hot water is revealing in me a complaining spirit and burdened disposition. Despite my efforts to conceal it, the fragrance of what is inside cannot be hidden. One of my favorite verses reminds me of what fragrance I am to be diffusing.

But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere. For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing ... (2 Corinthians 2:14-15)

It saddens me to say that my aroma has been infused with sin and self-sufficiency rather than Jesus' redemption and my utter dependency on Him. I was confronted with this truth a few days ago, and sweet repentance came. God must transform my heart for there to ever be a sweet fragrance filling my surroundings. I pray my relationships, duties, and presence reminds people of the knowledge of Jesus and not my humanly corruption. Holiness begins in the heart and then saturates everything around it.

I want the seasons of "hot water" to reveal God's refinement, sanctification, and true strength to the people around me, diffusing a holy knowledge that has saved my life.

Giver of Wisdom

For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.—If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.—For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.—But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise . . . so that no human being might boast in the presence of God.

The unfolding of your words gives light; it imparts understanding to the simple.—I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.

And all spoke well of him and marveled at the gracious words that were coming from his mouth.—“No one ever spoke like this man!”—He is the source of your life in Christ Jesus, whom God made our wisdom and our righteousness and sanctification and redemption.

Prov. 2:6; Prov. 3:5; Jas. 1:5; 1 Cor. 1:25; 1 Cor. 1:27, 29; Ps. 119:130; Ps. 119:11; Luke 4:22; John 7:46; 1 Cor. 1:30 (Read full verses...)

This was my Daily Light this morning. I found it to be a great comfort and a reminder of where true wisdom is found. Hope it is a blessing to you as well.

Off-White Comparision

While unloading the dishwasher the other day, I wiped dry one of my favorite tea mugs and prepared to place it in the cabinet. I noticed behind the rows of coffee mugs, deep in the shadows of the cabinet, the glimpse of a familiar mug I had been looking for. Reaching far back into the dark space, I pulled out the lost cup. Pleased at my findings, I sat my two mugs side by side on the self as to not forget to use them both. Only then did I notice an obvious difference between them. Designed to be identical, one of the elegant white cups now looked altered. The mug I had retrieved from the dishwasher was slightly darker than the recently rescued one.

I quickly concluded that my daily black tea had quietly stained my frequented cup. I hadn't noticed the difference until I compared it with the originally intended color. "Funny how things can change without me noticing," I thought to myself. I shrugged off the matter and went on to unload the rest of the dishwasher.

It wasn't until a little later that God used the incident to remind me of a principle He had been teaching me. Someone I know had recently brought up the question, "Why do we need to study God's Word?" I thought it to be an absurd question. We are Christians ... reading the Bible is what we do. But that is no answer for a skeptic, or a Christian. Studying God's Word is like holding up the perfect, unstained coffee mug to the one we use every day. Do they compare? Are they the same color? Where and how are we stained?

God's Word is the standard, not the environment around us. Oftentimes I pardon myself by comparing my character, responses, and worldview with the people around me. "Oh, I am not as bad as them..." kind of stuff. This is why we must daily be confronted with the Word. It flatters nothing. It holds the truth about how we are to live and grow. And it shows us where we are getting stained.

Like my tea mug, becoming stained happens quietly. Every morning the color of my mug grew darker in it's complexion, but ever so slightly. If not for the rediscovery of the unsoiled mug, I wouldn't have known anything was different about my cup, or that it needed a better scrubbing. The Bible is the same way. It shows us the perfect standard. Paul compared it to "looking in a mirror," it reveals the true person.

But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing. (James 1:22-25)

Now on to the "doing" ...  and the scrubbing.

simple seeking

This is my anthem this morning...

"You have said, “Seek My face.” My heart says to you,
“Your face, Lord, do I seek.” (Psalms 27:8)

Simple, but true. I love this verse.

What verses has God been impressing onto your hearts? I'd love to hear them.