Yes, I know. You are shocked that there is a new post here, finally. You were beginning to think Kaysie had forgotten her Wordpress password or crashed her computer or something terrible like that, weren't you? Well nothing justifiable like that has happened to me (thank God), but I think I have neglected everyone long enough.
Truth is I've been pondering the significance of this little blog, yet again. Sometimes it can feel useless to keep mumbling away about observations and topics that are perhaps only important to myself, assuming others have and can say it better, and really not wanting to put forth enough effort to extract my opinion and spread it out here in a readable fashion. Excuses, excuses. Not really worth much, but it feels better to say all that out loud.
But a friend and I have been discussing significance and failure lately, and I couldn't help but connect what I was learning through our conversations with my opinion about this blog and my writings. Occasionally during the course of existing in this world, one begins to wonder, "Am I really making any difference? Does my life matter? Am I fulfilling my God-given purpose right now?" All great questions to ask, especially if you discover encouraging answers. But it seems to me that sometimes (oftentimes?) in my quest to find and achieve significance, my motivation gets tangled up in another web of questions and fears, like, "What is holding me back from running after what I believe God is calling me to do? What if I fail miserably? How can I make a difference when the task before me is so insurmountably huge and I am just one person, one voice, one life? And what if I fail miserably (wait, did I already say that?)?"
Again, all good questions that I know you've had before too. But for me, I believe it gets back to two things: truth and obedience. I painfully recognize that I am a sinner who fails much more often than I want to, but because of Jesus Christ and His redemption in my life I am moving forward and not backwards (1 Peter 1:18-19, Phil. 3:12-14). His opinion of me is immeasurably beyond what I deserve -- He loved me enough to die for me (John 3:16), He chose me as His eternal bride even though I was stained and immoral (Eph. 1:7-9, 5:25-27), He is working in me and through me every day, perfecting what He began until He comes back (Phil. 1:6). All that is truth. And in order to feel the kind of biblical significance that I should, I must believe what He says. This truth sets me free from my twisted opinions about myself and my significance.
Yet even when the truth is burning in my chest -- even when I believe what He says and I want to run this course with every ounce of passion I have -- there still lies another brick wall I always seem to slam into. Failure. Or rather, the fear of it. What if I did take that jump and go for what I think God wants me to do ... and then I failed? You know, hit the ground with a loud, painful thud. And everyone was watching. Suddenly taking that next step seems to be the most illogical, stupid thing I could ever imagine doing. And I'm paralyzed. Again.
Life in Christ really isn't about failure, however, it is about obedience. That makes a huge difference in my mind. Sometimes I become so fixated on the results (or the desired results) of my efforts that I loose sight of the purpose and motivation behind and beneath whatever I'm doing. God simply wants obedience. And if I follow Him into something and it "fails" or doesn't look like I wanted it to, if I was obedient, it really isn't a failure.
So with all that said, if I believe that God has called me to blog or write or speak or walk or share or collect red jelly beans (ok, so that last one was random), by all means I should cast the fear of failure behind me, believe who He is and what He says about me, and live in obedience to His Word. That's where I find my significance and purpose.
And, Kaysie, don't forget that with God, you can't fail. Even if it seems like failure in earthly terms, you know better. I've been so worried lately about what the next step is supposed to be, where I'm supposed to go after this. I still have no idea, but your post reminded me that it's going to be all right.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad to hear from you again! I knew from Twitter that nothing horrible befell you. But I definitely missed your blog. I hope to hear from you more often, but I know how busy college is.
Always,
Lori
Wow. I so needed to hear this today. The point is not the result, but the obedience! That's a truth I need to plant in my heart. Thank you for sharing this!
ReplyDeleteSweet girl, I would recommend putting aside all excuses and fear, and RUN with the Lord to do what you feel He is calling you to do... to be obedient... He will be right beside you precious one... and in the end He will be the only one standing on your behalf... He is your Savour, Your Friend,...
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing :-) this has been the story of my life lately...often the answer to that big question: what if? holds me back. I realized this week that not doing something because of the fear of failing is often just as much a failure as doing it "wrong."
ReplyDeleteand BTW, I've been enjoying your blog for awhile now. ;) just haven't had much time to say hi. I'm so encouraged by what you have to say. Don't hold back.
Charles Stanley says, "Obey God and leave the consequences to Him." This is so freeing to me! All I have to do is OBEY. Let us all just please God like Jesus and He will be glorified.
ReplyDeleteP.S. - I've struggled with this as well. One of the things the Lord has ministered to me is that there are many who are "waiting" on me to be who He has created me to be. I just read something that made me go "Whoa!" What if the creators of GOOGLE, FACEBOOK OR TWITTER, etc never shared their ideas? All they did was step out not knowing really.
ReplyDeleteBlessings
As long as we stay in the boat we will never experience the joy of walking on water, hey even if we sink at least we had the joy of the experience. Peter actually did not walk on water he walked on the word of God "Come". Jesus was standing right there to rescue Peter when he failed. He failed because you focused too hard on his surroundings and his shortcomings, had he maintained his focus on the LORD he would have walked all the way over to Jesus on the simple command "Come".
ReplyDeleteJesus does not bid us come he bids us to "GO". GO therefore into all the world and make disciples of Jesus. What better way to go into all the world then the world wide web? How difficult is it to wade through the waters of cyberspace? How touch can it be to talk about Jesus in the bloggosphere? What better time then when you are young is there to GO?
Besides your writing inspires many as you can see from the above comments, but remember King David got into trouble when he started to count the number of people in his kingdom with a census. Just get out of the boat and go do what he lays on your heart to do and remember he not only walks beside you he has already gone ahead of you to prepare a way for you.
OH yes there will be wind and waves and violent turbulence but never take your eyes off of Jesus and you too will be able to walk upon the heights. Do not focus on your inability but rather focus on his ABILITY. With man it is impossible but with God all things are possible. Remember you can do ALL THINGS with the help of Jesus Christ who strengthens you. :)
Your "mumbling away about observations and topics" is important to me : ) I always enjoy it.
ReplyDeleteKaysie, you are so encouraging to me....i am in college also and i am struggling with the same things you talk about. It is so nice when im having my quiet times i read your blogs. Your blogs mean more than you know to me. Thank you so much.
ReplyDeleteI totally needed this. And the fact that you listened when the Holy Spirit prompted is inspiring and encouraging. You've reminded me that God can use people if they are sensitive to His calling. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteHello Kaysie. This may seem like a random comment from me in such a long time. It's crazy, because I feel like I've been hearing from you alot. Well, I have, in fact, through Twitter. I get your little Tweets on my phone every time you write and it's funny when you talk about the Weather and I feel the same. Ha! Anywho. That is a bit awkward, isnt it. Someone is tuned in to your life and you hardly know about it, but I suppose you take that risk when you own a Twitter account. Anywho.
ReplyDeleteLet's start over.
Hello!
As I read this post, one thing kept coming to my mind about you. I will try to express my thoughts as clearly and with as much effort as you have put into your post.
Sometimes when you go on a mission trip you get much more out of it then the people you encounter. I was told this prior to going to Chicago to do innercity mission work back in High School. To alot of the people we encountered it was another day, another volunteer. To me, it was a once in a lifetime experience of helping someone I haven't ever helped before.
Your blog in some ways is the same way. You put so much effort and time and energy into articulating your words and thoughts enough to make an impact in someone elses life, when I believe, you are impacting your own in ways that are deeper than a first-glance understanding provides.
I'm not saying that you aren't making an impact in other people's lives, because you clearly are, but at the same time, you are the most consistent visitor to your blog. You know everything you've written when a new person has alot of catching up to do, and unless they have hours of free time, they will probably skim read alot (which makes a category tool very convenient when looking for a certain topic). You've been to this blog every step of the way. You've put more into than most will get out of it, which is why I believe that a blogger is more or less ministering to themselves for purposes only God knows.
(Note: I feel this way largely because if I write or don't write on my own blog, it is mainly a tool for myself, or at least, that's how I've always viewed it. I see it as a public journal that you can't just write dumb things into because of the possibility of real people reading it and being impacted by it. Therefore I put more thought into it and over time I can see how my walk has deteriorated or grown. On my myspace account I used to write very personal and negative things about my feelings back when I was in highschool and a freshman in college. Many times my words would worry people and it was an avenue to vent instead of training myself to be Godly. I don't believe that it benefits people to have a negative view of life and do more harm to God's name. Honesty is great, but I must always check myself which is a good habit to get into instead of giving way to my flesh. Ok...Note finished).
God is using a blog to make you a sharper thinker, I believe. (as I indicated above in my own experience of blogging...) Writing as beautifully as you do doesn't come natural to most people, and I therefore believe that God is going to use the tool of writing in ministerial ways for you. You know this, or else you wouldn't have written this post.
I've always thought you'd write a beautiful book about the Lord and what He means to you and practical things you've learned about how to live life in obedience to Him. Your blog is more or less a broken up book spread out over many "pages".
Anyway, with all that said, I will end as a broken record.
You are very encouraging and your view of life and beautifully written thoughts bring inspiration for me to chew on throughout the day. Thankyou and I hope the weather is good today for you, even though it's crummy rainy today here!
God bless!
-Kristy
(p.s. Sorry I wrote so much, once again. I get carried away.)
My Sweet Pea - wow you have to overwhelmed with God's love just looking at all the responses above! You are an inspiration to many, don't ever doubt that. You so have a purpose and God is opening those doors to you, you just have to be obedient to walk through.
ReplyDelete"Proverbs 16: 9 (NLT) We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps."
Let Him order your steps - you won't fail - He is always faithful!
Love you
All for His glory!
Cherie
It's so freeing to know that all I have to do is obey God and He will work the outcome of my obedience out perfectly! I have struggled with feelings of failure (who hasn't) and they are so unnecessary! Thanks for the encouragement.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Kate
Oh! Thank you for writing this! I have been working on a blog with my sister, and we've been getting rather discouraged for lack of comments. It just feels like no one is reading it and it is making no difference. You have a really good point - one I need to remember more, so thanks. :) You've already made a difference to me, at least.
ReplyDeleteYour words are encouraging, thanks! I especially like the Scripture references, God's Word is amazing, it's so good to be anchored in the truth. God bless!
ReplyDelete