the beauty of abiding

It is an unusual feeling to realize I can do nothing.

Let that soak in. I am making you wait for the next phrase. Yes, the verse continues, "I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing." (John 15:5) But I don't really believe that most of the time, or at lease I don't live like it. If I was a branch (that is a funny phrase...), I would be climbing up the trellis of life, typically unaware that my sustenance and vitality comes from the Vine I am implanted in. If I am growing, it inevitably means that I am connected to the Vine.

Still further, if I am not growing -- there is only one possible conclusion. I have ceased to abide in the Vine. And there I am, fruitless and able to do nothing apart from the Source of my life.

When I think about the word "abide," I often picture something like a glove or umbrella. The word creates for me a vision of envelopment and enclosure. When you slide a glove onto your hand, the glove moves with your gestures; it is conformed to the image and mission of your hand. Also with an umbrella, if located directly under it's wings, you are protected from the dangerous and troubled weather. In both cases, the enveloped and protected are "abiding" in their individual ways.

I want my life to represent both. I want to attain an absolute closeness to the Father's hands, making His missions mine, and His movements my own. I also desire to dwell securely under His protection, to fully rest under His sovereignty and faithful grace. Just as every branch is deeply embedded into the main vine, I want my life to wrap around--to center on--Jesus. And for me, the first step towards authentic abiding is recognizing my total insignificance without Him. I can do absolutely nothing without Him. Honestly.

When I look into the face of an infant, I see in their eyes what I desire. They are recklessly dependent upon a source other than themselves, but yet (most of the time) they are peacefully content and trusting. They sleep in the arms of their parents. They smile naturally at their providers. They rest and abide in the faithful provision and care of their guardian.

How much more should I abide in the arms of my Lord? He is actually beyond comparision to earthly parents. His ways are perfect and everlasting. And He invites us to abide in His love (John 15:9). Finding solace and strength in the only True Vine allows me to live fruitfully and to thrive amidst life. The connection is sure. And my heart rejoices in the closeness of Christ. "As for me, the nearness of God is my good..." (Ps. 73:28)

A Centerpiece

I did something unusual the other day. I wrote in the first space of this week in my day planner "time with God."

You might assume me to be very devout and spiritual, but actually -- when I got to thinking about it later, I am quite foolish. The fact that I must "pencil" God into my day reveals something in me that contrasts holiness, maybe even borders heathenism. What I thought was godly prioritizing was in fact placing God in a time slot.

I try to be careful and keep God at the top of my priorities. You know, "seek first the kingdom of God." But I never realized that squeezing Him into an upper compartment of my life was actually degrading His value and encompassing worth. Knowing and honoring Jesus doesn't simply involve bumping Him up to the top of my "to-do" list. What does He want? Where does He belong in my life?

He must be at the center.

Throughout my day, as I am busy following my schedule, working on activities, interacting with people, and completing assignments ... all this should revolve around Him, instead of "start out" with Him. If I take Him into every activity, every relationship, and every circumstance He will saturate me and those around me, enabling me to walk by faith and love others unconditionally and support those who are weak. I need Him in every moment, not just the morning slot of my day. His presence should permeate life.

Charlie Hall sings a song called Center that proclaims this chorus:

Christ be the center of our lives
Be the place we fix our eyes
Be the center of our lives
We lift our eyes to heaven
We wrap our lives around your life
We lift our eyes to heaven, to You

It is my fervent desire that my life is wrapped around His life -- instead of the other way around. God must become the centerpiece of my heart and the place I fix my eyes. I want "to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God," (Eph. 3:19) and to carry that fullness into every day.

Sweet Infusion

Have you ever watched a teabag sink into a cup of steamy water and observed the strands of color glide out of the teabag and paint the water? I know I am probably insane, but I love watching tea infuse. A spicy aroma climbs out of the cup soaking the air and enhancing the practice of drinking tea.

I have a glass plate sitting above my bed that reads: "Women are like tea bags. We don't know our true strength until we are in hot water." (Eleanor Roosevelt)  Lately, I have not been pleased with my heart's infusings. Life's hot water is revealing in me a complaining spirit and burdened disposition. Despite my efforts to conceal it, the fragrance of what is inside cannot be hidden. One of my favorite verses reminds me of what fragrance I am to be diffusing.

But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere. For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing ... (2 Corinthians 2:14-15)

It saddens me to say that my aroma has been infused with sin and self-sufficiency rather than Jesus' redemption and my utter dependency on Him. I was confronted with this truth a few days ago, and sweet repentance came. God must transform my heart for there to ever be a sweet fragrance filling my surroundings. I pray my relationships, duties, and presence reminds people of the knowledge of Jesus and not my humanly corruption. Holiness begins in the heart and then saturates everything around it.

I want the seasons of "hot water" to reveal God's refinement, sanctification, and true strength to the people around me, diffusing a holy knowledge that has saved my life.

Giver of Wisdom

For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.—If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.—For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.—But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise . . . so that no human being might boast in the presence of God.

The unfolding of your words gives light; it imparts understanding to the simple.—I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.

And all spoke well of him and marveled at the gracious words that were coming from his mouth.—“No one ever spoke like this man!”—He is the source of your life in Christ Jesus, whom God made our wisdom and our righteousness and sanctification and redemption.

Prov. 2:6; Prov. 3:5; Jas. 1:5; 1 Cor. 1:25; 1 Cor. 1:27, 29; Ps. 119:130; Ps. 119:11; Luke 4:22; John 7:46; 1 Cor. 1:30 (Read full verses...)

This was my Daily Light this morning. I found it to be a great comfort and a reminder of where true wisdom is found. Hope it is a blessing to you as well.

Off-White Comparision

While unloading the dishwasher the other day, I wiped dry one of my favorite tea mugs and prepared to place it in the cabinet. I noticed behind the rows of coffee mugs, deep in the shadows of the cabinet, the glimpse of a familiar mug I had been looking for. Reaching far back into the dark space, I pulled out the lost cup. Pleased at my findings, I sat my two mugs side by side on the self as to not forget to use them both. Only then did I notice an obvious difference between them. Designed to be identical, one of the elegant white cups now looked altered. The mug I had retrieved from the dishwasher was slightly darker than the recently rescued one.

I quickly concluded that my daily black tea had quietly stained my frequented cup. I hadn't noticed the difference until I compared it with the originally intended color. "Funny how things can change without me noticing," I thought to myself. I shrugged off the matter and went on to unload the rest of the dishwasher.

It wasn't until a little later that God used the incident to remind me of a principle He had been teaching me. Someone I know had recently brought up the question, "Why do we need to study God's Word?" I thought it to be an absurd question. We are Christians ... reading the Bible is what we do. But that is no answer for a skeptic, or a Christian. Studying God's Word is like holding up the perfect, unstained coffee mug to the one we use every day. Do they compare? Are they the same color? Where and how are we stained?

God's Word is the standard, not the environment around us. Oftentimes I pardon myself by comparing my character, responses, and worldview with the people around me. "Oh, I am not as bad as them..." kind of stuff. This is why we must daily be confronted with the Word. It flatters nothing. It holds the truth about how we are to live and grow. And it shows us where we are getting stained.

Like my tea mug, becoming stained happens quietly. Every morning the color of my mug grew darker in it's complexion, but ever so slightly. If not for the rediscovery of the unsoiled mug, I wouldn't have known anything was different about my cup, or that it needed a better scrubbing. The Bible is the same way. It shows us the perfect standard. Paul compared it to "looking in a mirror," it reveals the true person.

But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing. (James 1:22-25)

Now on to the "doing" ...  and the scrubbing.

A little application.

We had such a beautiful sunrise this morning. Rays of warm sunshine spilled into every window of the house, as if gleefully urging sleepy people to wake up and explore the new day. I was glad to see it and enjoy it's warmth.

It seems that as much as I try to make time for blogging and other internet socialization, days go by without number and here I am *months* later... ok, slight exaggeration... still struggling to pull out a post or two. I miss having the time to sit and share out of the overflow of my heart and listen to your insights and experiences. Speaking of which, I have not yet responded to all of the vitally helpful comments on my previous post, but I wanted to thank you all for the encouragement. I loved hearing your opinions and struggles right now. It really helped me. Thank you.

God is teaching me so much, but mostly He is allowing me to apply what He's shown me. I feel like the things He has taught me in the last months have prepared me for this season I am walking in right now. He requires us to apply what we are learning--because that is the point of the Word ... to change us and transform our lives more into the image of Christ. There is a high responsibility that comes with knowledge; it requires application.

Applying the truth that we are learning in our inner man (or woman) is where we find the true value of God's Word and His character. I loved what Charles Spurgeon said:

The grand point is not to wear the garb, nor use the brogue of religion, but to posses the life of God within, and feel and think as Jesus would have done because of that inner life. Small is the value of external religion unless it is the outcome of a life within."

If what we are learning and applying will make us more like Jesus, then here lies the purpose and calling of our lives. We are to take up our cross and follow Him. No matter what.

That Longing...

John Piper spoke to my heart this morning. I have been wrestling within myself lately fighting back the sometimes overwhelming desire for marriage. This longing is so strong, and yet I do desire for true contentment in the Lord with or without a husband. But many times, I lose the battle God wants me to win. It is easier to sink into my swamp of self-pity and depression than to forsake all else and cling desperately to my Savior allowing Him to fill this need. But if I stay consumed with wanting marriage, I remain empty and grow more absorbed in my selfishness.

I don't know if any of you struggle with this same thing, but I wanted to post this video for you to watch, in hopes that you will be encouraged just as I have been to fix my eyes on Christ instead of some unfulfilled desire. We can't be consumed with anything but Jesus Christ. He's what we're looking for.



"Whom have I in heaven but You? And earth has nothing I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Those who are far from You will perish; You destroy all who are unfaithful to You. But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all Your deeds." Psalms 73:25-28

simple seeking

This is my anthem this morning...

"You have said, “Seek My face.” My heart says to you,
“Your face, Lord, do I seek.” (Psalms 27:8)

Simple, but true. I love this verse.

What verses has God been impressing onto your hearts? I'd love to hear them.

Pardon My Poetry

It seems I can write nothing lately except poetry. I sit down to write a cohesive blog post and I can unearth nothing but unembellished verses. This really describes my mental state at present; only short phrases with simple meanings can escape from my head. Maybe I am stuck in this crazy world of rhymes and verse forever? Hum... we'll see. I am trying my best to mold a regular post out of this. Anyways, I just felt like I should explain my sudden poetic emergence...

I wanted to share an amazing verse that God showed me last week that I have been clinging to and resting on, especially in my current pace of life. I know many of you are pushing through seasons of hectic schedules and busy hours filled with required attendance and fruitful performance. But despite the natural good it is (or will) produce, we find ourselves completely overwhelmed and gasping for unpolluted air.

I seem to be in this place right now. Everything going on in my life is God-sent, and I feel called to do it. But there are moments when I am convinced I am absolutely going to loose my mind, or at least blow a mental fuse. There is so much to get done, and time just evaporates before my eyes. I feel shaken and weak, tottering on this metaphoric scale of productivity and squandered minutes.

But God sees me through my chaos-infused cloud of efficiency and speaks soft words into my fluttering heart. Here is the verse that brought fresh winds of hope:

"Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved." (Psalms 55:22) Such simple poetry, but it spoke through the layers of hectic distractions and calmed me. I was further blessed when I read that the "your burden" mentioned in the verse could also be translated "what He has given you." Basically, I am to give back to Him what He has given me for the sustainment and stability I need. He will not permit me to be moved or shaken. He will sustain me throughout this journey. Wow.

I pray this is a word of encouragement to you too as you work diligently on the things He has given you, and that you will trust Him for sustainement and cast everything you have to do at His feet. He will not allow the righteous to be moved. I testify that this is true.

Scraps of Words

Lord I struggle putting words on paper tonight--
for who shall see and who shall judge?
Worry is a weight around my neck.
It chokes the growth and life I love.
Let me breathe.

My heart is a treasure chest filled with simple words of beauty,
but I have lost the key and it remains locked.
This wall won't budge that I've been pushing.
Make it move.

Chaos and stress are laying their bricks,
building these walls higher and higher
and I am left lonely and enclosed by consuming fear
of failure and pride.
Break the wall.

God, I feel the breeze filtering through my gaps,
I want You more than this closed-in kingdom I've created.
Sing me Your songs of redemption and truth,
let me know that this hymn is pulling me to You.
I feel Your touch.

Reaching, yearning, crying for You--
Nothing else will satisfy, I know that now.
Take me back to simple things, like melody and peace.
Lay my head back on Your shoulder.
I trust again.

Seeking and Finding

So I have been mulling over my "special" verse, especially this past weekend, and have come up with a few more questions and insights. I was asking the Lord yesterday what it actually means "to seek" Him. Is it praying before bedtime? Reading His Word everyday? Doing Bible study two days a week? What is it? Today I finally grabbed my Bible dictionary and looked up the word "seek," and found surprising results. It simply means "to seek in order to find." (profound, I know)

This may sound basic, but when I apply it to seeking God I learn incredible things. I am looking for something; meaning I may not have found it yet. Reading a chapter in Psalms for my quiet time may not be all there is to "seeking God" today. Every day is different with new things to discover. There is no written formula etched in stone on "how I should seek God today." Seeking God involves looking, and searching, and reaching, and ultimately finding.

I try to insert God into my formula. I assume God is happy if I set aside ten minutes in the morning to "seek Him." But really, God is not a coffee maker to be turned on every morning for my regular cup. He is like the wind-- every day He is doing something new, going somewhere different, showing something fresh. That is why I must seek. It's like a treasure hunt, except much bigger with much greater rewards. And the best thing is, we do find what we are looking for. It may not be what we thought it was... but it is exactly what we need.

China Soul

Soul like china slowly cracking,
loosing strength with just one fall--
spinning off the table
or thrown against the wall.

On the surface I show beauty
embellished roses on my face--
skin deep reveals only fragile pieces
broken by this crazy pace.

Gentle hands please hold this soul
that is chipped around the edge.
Careful whispers pull me close--
Lord, let me feel Your hedge.

Use this broken pottery,
I surrender all the pieces.
Heal the cracks, mend the scars,
fill the void with tender mercies.