John Piper spoke to my heart this morning. I have been wrestling within myself lately fighting back the sometimes overwhelming desire for marriage. This longing is so strong, and yet I do desire for true contentment in the Lord with or without a husband. But many times, I lose the battle God wants me to win. It is easier to sink into my swamp of self-pity and depression than to forsake all else and cling desperately to my Savior allowing Him to fill this need. But if I stay consumed with wanting marriage, I remain empty and grow more absorbed in my selfishness.
I don't know if any of you struggle with this same thing, but I wanted to post this video for you to watch, in hopes that you will be encouraged just as I have been to fix my eyes on Christ instead of some unfulfilled desire. We can't be consumed with anything but Jesus Christ. He's what we're looking for.
"Whom have I in heaven but You? And earth has nothing I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Those who are far from You will perish; You destroy all who are unfaithful to You. But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all Your deeds." Psalms 73:25-28
Kaysie, we might not agree on this--but I believe the desires you have are right and natural. I would honestly encourage you to read "Getting Serious About Getting Married" by Debbie Maken. It is great to have a wonderful relationship with the Lord, but it is also okay to admit that we long for a husband.
ReplyDeleteSince Creation, God has made a spouse shaped hole in peoples' hearts that only a husband/wife can fulfill.
Anyway, I know I haven't been on in a while. Love you, my sister in Christ!
When you describe your longing for marriage, it kind of reminds me of my longing to find the right career....:)
ReplyDeleteBe encouraged that your longing is one that everyone wrestles with in some capacity - it may not necessarily be for the same item, but the overwhelming sense of emptiness without that "thing" is something we all struggle with.
I remember seeing this video on another site when I was in one of my singleness self-pity moments. It's good advice, but I still struggle with obsession.
This is *exactly* what I needed to hear today. Thank you so much for posting this -- what an excellent piece of advice!
ReplyDeleteKaysie, the desires for marriage, a husband, a family, and the love of a man are not wrong. God created us as women to be helpmeets. It's God who created love between a woman and a man, and it's God who will meet those desires in His time and way. The desires are not wrong, Kaysie; it's what you DO with those desires that makes them right or wrong.
ReplyDeleteI'd encourage you to drop by Set Apart, and read these posts: "Far Beyond" and "Faithfully." I think that they will greatly encourage and bless you in this area as they have done for me!
Hey, I remember this video. :)
ReplyDeleteGreat stuff Kaysie, thanks for the reminder.
Kaysie, I think your desires are godly and natural as well, but the waiting is still very hard. Just this afternoon I was struggling with these thoughts, but I soon realized that I was feeling more sorry for myself than anything. I started to feel sad because I didn't have anyone sending me Valentine's Day flowers this year. I was too focused on myself. Thankfully God helped me out of my slump, and set my eyes back on Him.
ReplyDeleteIt really is a struggle though, and I sympathize with you. Lately I've started to pray for my future husband, wherever he is. It comforts me whenever I pray for him even though I don't know him.
Thanks for posting that John Piper video-it was very encouraging!
Love,
Sara
That was a great video Kaysie, thanks for sharing it with us!
ReplyDeleteI've felt how you've felt Kaysie! I remember feeling the cavernous needs that Piper talks about! Sometimes I still feel sadness but it's not so all consuming. I am grateful to have felt such a cavernous longing though because it forced me to cast myself on the Lord. I have learned so much about his sovereignty and his greatness. His ways are not my ways. Who am I to dictate to the Lord?
ReplyDeleteThere are times that I still feel sadness. Marriage is still a desire of my heart. But then there are times when I expect the sadness to come (like in a social setting with mostly couples or when someone is talking about their wedding plans) and incredibly it's not there! Instread it's replaced by quietness and peace. I am SO grateful the Lord has delayed my marriage (I turn 30 this year). I believe God has used it as a tool in my sanctification. To turn my heart towards Him.
Marriage is after all only momentary. And in heaven there will be no marriage. I see it this way: Neither singleness nor marriage is better. We shouldn't be focusing on those things anyway. Our focus in both singleness and marriage should be on the Lord.
May our focus on singleness and marriage fade away and may the Lord become our focus. If the Lord gives a husband then good. If He does not, then bless Him the same. He will always be good and He will always be enough.
Sorry to post such a long note. : )
Hi Kaysie,
ReplyDeleteAs an older woman (turned 51 this year) and one who has been married a lifetime and now single (he divorced me after 30 years) I've been on both sides of this longing.
My marriage was never very good - but, over the past 20 years of it I learned to rely on the Lord to fulfill the longings a wife has for a husband. By the time he walked out? I was well acquainted with the Lord as my Husband. So now?
After two years of divorce? I still have a longing to be a wife. My days of mothering are over (until the grandbabies come) so that longing was fulfilled and is no longer something I battle with.
Most recently? My youngest daughter is engaged and making plans for a wedding in April. Watching her and her young man has shown me yet again the joys of that sort of relationship and now I struggle again.
I have not dated - until 2 weeks ago. I thought the man who I was introduced to at church was a godsend. I was so excited. And even as I allowed myself to feel good about the relationship I desired MORE that God would be glorified. And now - I stand before you to say that God WILL be glorified. Because today? I realize there truly is only ONE way fulfill the longings of an empty heart. It is HIM. The Alpha - the Omega. All Love. All Truth. All Hope.
So I once again cry out in the night and ask my Kinsmen Redeemer to fill me - that I may pour myself out for a lost and dying world.
God Bless you Sweetness. Thanks for the video, the reminder and the opportunity to express my heart!
That was very good.
ReplyDeleteMay we delight in the Lord!
Dear Kaysie,
ReplyDeleteLately I've been struggling with waiting on God's timing. I am actually in a relationship waiting for God's timing for marriage. I cannot wait for the day of my wedding. Yet, this waiting brings soo many struggles with it. My sweet friend (and hopefully future mother in law) sent me this quote:
“The very fact that it’s melting you into nothing is key. God knows your weakness…that’s why He’s right there near it lol. It’s not about pass-fail, it’s about some wonder He would like to show you. Rest, girl!!!!!! - RELAX -into His heart and look for what He wants to show you - it will be worth it.”
That quote has meant soo much to me since she sent it. God is in the process of refining my character and endevouring still to win my heart. After all, as much as I long for a fairytale with a human, the fairy tale that I share with my Redeemer is the most important. He desires my heart more than I could ever imagine and He desires that I would KNOW HIM. Waiting is sooo hard. I feel your agony and yearning. If I could I would cry with you. Yet may I encourage you to keep pressing on that you might win Christ. Keep pursuing Christ!
Kaysie~
ReplyDeleteI've bounced around here before, but I'm not sure that I've ever made my presence known!
Just wanted to say thanks for taking the time to share this post and video! It's so simple, but so often overlooked.
You are not alone in this, as you probably know!
Keep pressing on~
Thank you so much for posting that video, Kaysie! I needed to see that. God is the ONLY ONE who can truly fulfill all my needs and desires. He is sufficient, and He is good.
ReplyDeleteThanks!