saturday mornings

I don't know what it is, but to me Saturdays are filled with such gracious possibility. They are a breath of clean air in a claustrophobic world. A patch of crayola blue sky on a cloudy day. Technically, Saturdays are simply another day to fill up the time breaks in your day planner with more of the same, but sometimes I think we need space, even if it is just in the morning, for breathing. And that is what I hope to make out of this moment. To relax near a hot cup of tea, my friends made of pages, and a moment with no agenda.

Enjoy your Saturday!

bouquet of sharpened pencils

It's that wonderful time of the year where textbooks arrive in the mail, the calendar becomes cluttered with test dates and reading schedules, and enjoyable things like blogging begrudgingly take their place in the back row of life. Yes, college has resumed and life hits a new gear. But in all honesty, I cannot dismiss the child-like thrill of looking through new textbooks and course notes, eager to discover the knowledge this semester will offer.

When I was younger, my favorite part of school was the beginning of the semester. Not only was I excited about new classes and books, but Mom and I would always venture to the office supply store to pick out new notebooks, pencils, pens, and other delectable writing materials that I seem to never get enough of.

All this to say, I am going to try my best to continue in my blogging motivation, but if I disappear you'll know why. Professors demand a little more attention than my creative writing, unfortunately. But I'll do my best to stick around.

the greater need

“Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth.” Psalms 73:25

Nothing else on earth should capture my attention or fulfill my desire like Jesus should. My restless soul is a draining oppression that is never satisfied. And if my life is patterned to follow this selfish course, my days are a waste and my heart is still discontent. Life centered on Christ is the path to joy – true, lasting joy – that is not affected by outward circumstances or inward feelings. Joy in Christ is passionate and satisfying.

Instead of praying for desires I think need to be met, I struggle and strive to focus on Him as my one true desire, my Fullness for every emptiness.

My mind goes back to an entry in my journal a few years ago about this same struggle:

As I quietly prayed in my heart this morning, I noticed a repetitive phrase entering my prayers above all else: “Lord, I desire…”

This is not to say that those desires were (are) wrong. Having more patience is a good desire. Strength for a friend is a good desire. A godly future husband is a good desire. But dependence on those desires is unhealthy and unbiblical for my heart. Even in my best attempts to have “focused prayer” on Jesus alone, my mind slowly wanders to the desires I want God to make happen.

I just desire so much...

Each day, my prayers are filled with what I perceive to be my greatest needs. I try to remind God of these needs, but He sees deeper into my heart than I do … and sees the greater need. My greatest needs are not what I think they are. My greatest need is Jesus: to experience Him, to know Him, to feel Him in every day. He is my all in all.

When Jesus becomes my first desire, all the other desires and needs I have fall into their rightful place; cast at the feet of Jesus. He becomes supreme in my heart, which is exactly where He needs to be. Earthy needs and desires dim in the light of His glory and grace. He alone meets my deepest and most desperate needs.

“I have set the Lord continually before me; because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and and my glory rejoices: my flesh will dwell securely.” Psalms 16:8-9

(repost)

a beauty that speaks of permanence

Perhaps I should begin with a disclaimer. None of the qualities I hope to describe below can be applied as easily as make-up and mascara. Because this kind of beauty deals with "the hidden person of the heart," simply touching up the physical won't cut it. We cannot live out the beauty of biblical womanhood apart from the sanctifying work of the gospel and the power of the Spirit. This is what sets us apart, makes us holy, and develops true beauty. The times that I have become frustrated with my lack of holy beauty is always a direct result of ignoring the ultimate source of imperishable beauty: Jesus Christ. Now, with that said...

Let's begin with a question. According to God, what defines a beautiful woman? Out of all the voices and pictures and opinions of what true beauty is, what does our Creator and Savior esteem as beautiful? In so many ways I deeply appreciate God's definition of beauty because mere physical attractiveness is obviously varying and perishable. Unlike our culture which has a "pattern" of what beauty encompasses, God's standard is less somatic and much more transcendent. Here it is, straight from His mouth:

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. (1 Peter 3:3-4)

According to God, beauty shouldn't have a "best if used by" date on it. Nor should it be explained through external techniques. Beauty revolves around something you can't really see. It involves your attitude, your presence, your thoughts, and your standards -- and the manner in which you present them. In a world where women are respected for being assertive and dominating, God calls for gentleness in a woman. This is not a "pat on the head" kind of nature. It is entirely more than that -- and I love this definition.

According to the Greek, "gentleness" is a meekness toward God and a disposition of spirit in which we accept His dealings with us as good, and therefore without disputing or resisting. Gentleness is the opposite to self-assertiveness and self-interest. It stems from trust in God's goodness and control over the situation. The gentle person isn't occupied with self at all. This attitude is a work of the Holy Spirit, not of the human will (Gal 5:23).

Beauty is a quiet spirit. It does not demand attention or proclaim it's presence. It does not depend on a pretty face or skin tone to thrive. But by it's nature, beauty reflects the presence of God in a soul. If a woman is truly beautiful by God's standard, there is no denying that something is different about her. When held up to the glossy-faced models on magazine covers, the judge is left speechless because the two are opposites in value. It's like comparing a piece of paper to the ocean. One can almost be seen through, the other's depth cannot be calculated.

I want this permanent beauty. I want people to be drawn to what's behind my eyes instead of the clothes I wear or the structure of my face. Because whatever physical beauty I have, it will fade. If the object of my life is to glorify God (Matt. 5:16), then I pray my attitude, my trust in God, my submission to the Spirit, my disposition and gentleness points clearly to Jesus Christ. I want God and His sanctifying work to define the conclusion of beauty. As God perfects the spirit within me, the more I hope people stop looking at me and behold the beauty of God.

the distortion of face value

In the spirit of my last post, I found this video to be quite validating to a few of the points I hoped to make. This is just a taste of the twisted tactics the world uses to define for us what beauty is. May we understand and remember that true beauty should be more than a pretty, edited, enhanced face. Complexion should only be the beginning of a loveliness that lies beneath our skin, a loveliness that only Christ can create.



"No wonder our perception of beauty is distorted..."




{Email and RSS readers, click here to watch the video}

air-brushed charms

I awkwardly steered my overloaded shopping cart into a checkout aisle and patiently waited for the line to dissolve. Grocery shopping always exhausts me. Maybe it's because I wait until we are scrapping the cupboards for breadcrumbs before I head to the store, forcing me to create my own mini-Everest inside a shopping cart. (New Year's Resolution #317: get better at meal planning!) I leaned against the cart as I waited in hopes of catching a second wind when my eyes met the sleek, outspoken magazine covers glaring from their shelves.

Oh those glossy, air-brushed faces begged for me to look, admire, and compare. Their hair, skin, eyes, complexion, curves and clothing (or lack thereof) seeped with a perfection I obviously lack. And not only did they assault my vision with the silhouettes of modern attraction but they also tempted my reasoning with vain promises: "Loose 10lbs in just 10 days!", "Ways to look younger in minutes!", "The body he dreams of!", "Tame your tummy!" and much, much more disgusting propaganda. It was here amidst my innocent quest for carrots, sour cream, and dishwasher detergent that I realized, perhaps with more consciousness than I've had in a while, that our culture is entirely obsessed with superficial beauty. And it's slowly corrupting us.

Almost everyday we are forced to decide between valuing and gravitating toward worldly attractiveness versus a holy beauty. We obviously recognize what the world considers beautiful. Go to the mall and look at the mannequins or stop by your local convenient store and pick up a magazine. Or better yet, observe the confused and insecure young women speckled across our nation who find their identity and value by how closely they can imitate the women plastered across those magazine covers.

Worldly beauty always flaunts itself -- so it's easy to spot. At it's core it is selfish and arrogant. "Just look at me" it demands. And with enough make-up, hairspray, designer clothes, and maybe even a little surgery (or at least a good editing software), you could attain to this fickle description of beauty. Yes, this paragon may turn a few heads, but their fascination will travel only as deep as your bronze-tinted foundation.

In the end, physical beauty (which is all the world seems to value) doesn't last. All the wrinkle cream, anti-age scrubs, and hair color in the world can't dilute the truth that physical beauty fades. "Charm is deceitful, beauty is vain..." (Prov. 31:30) But this is no cause for panic (so take a deep breath). God has an entirely different purpose and measure for beauty -- a beauty that speaks of permanence and holiness instead of shallowness and vanity.

(To be continued...)

start the day right

What are some things you simply must have to start your day off right? Well, one of my necessities is brewing downstairs and the other is sitting on the end table beside me. A hot cup of tea puts the "good" in my morning, but the leather-bound book at my elbow filled with underlines and red words gives meaning to my life. But I am sometimes guilty of neglecting it. Somehow it seems easier to pour a second cup of tea than to peel open the cover of God's Word and drink it in. Really, it makes no sense because those words on holy pages would outlast the effects even a good cup of tea has on me.

But with every morning comes the opportunity to begin it right. This morning has the potential to launch a wonderful day given the right fuel. And so with a steaming mug of tea in hand, I open wide the beautiful gilded pages that history and time couldn't erase and pray my heart listens. It's going to be a good day.

in the residue of beginnings

I've been sitting here staring at this blinking cursor for about 15 minutes trying to think up something clever to blog about. I know I am probably making this more complicated than it should be (typical for me, you should know), but I struggle with beginning things sometimes. You might be the same way. It's like beginning a journal. That first page is so white and clean and perfect ... you almost don't want to mar it with black ink. Theoretically the rest of the journal hinges on that first page so I better make it good, I reason. But I guess if that intimidates me to never begin anything, something is wrong.

You see, I am stricken with a disease called perfectionism. And it's not as glamorous as it may sound. I consider it a plague, in fact. I can't see things without wincing at the potential failure. I am more likely to keep my hands to myself than reach out to see what it feels like. I content myself with staring through thick glass windows instead of trotting down the front porch steps to enjoy the rain or sunshine. Because, who knows? I might make a huge, terrible, unalterable mistake. (yes, that had a twinge of sarcasm in it...)

It seems naive in these little black words on the computer screen. But it gets bigger in my head. I'm tired of living life with this illusive raincloud staring over my shoulder. I was reading in the gospel of Matthew this morning and perused over some verses that are beginning to morph into an anthem for me.

"You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven." (Matt. 5:14-16)

After reading over these verses a couple of times to fight off the familiarity, I thought to myself, "Why are you living under a basket?" It may seem safer, but it's also stupid. And it will eventually suffocate you. God made you a light ... so shine. This could mean different things for different people. But a few things are core. One being our works. They are supposed to be good works that are obviously, but not blatantly (see Matthew 6:1), visible to the world. As God's workmanship (we are the light), we were created to walk in the good works which He prepared beforehand (Eph. 2:10). Figuring out what "works" He has prepared for me is where I trip myself up though. Again, this doesn't have to be complicated or confusing. I am finding that the simple, daily obedience to God's Word is what He desires.

The second principle is the glorification of our Father in heaven. It's really not about me or my works -- but about God. He is the ultimate objective here. My purpose on earth is to shine my light, but He is the reason and also the means of illumination. "For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ." (2 Cor. 4:6) Any light that I reflect is produced by Jesus Christ who enlightened my heart with His grace and truth.

I think some of my perfectionistic fixation (wow, what a mouthful) is rooted in my pride. I want to appear a certain way to people. I want my report card to speak of success instead of failures. I want to get off the ground with no bumps or bruises. No dents in the paint, so to speak. I only want people to see me shine when I look perfect. Well, that is just never going to happen. And in the beauty of God's grace, that's ok.

the thrill of a challenge

Ok, so I have an idea. In an effort to redeem my sporadic, somewhat non-existent blogging, I thought I could present myself with a little challenge. And those of you (and you know who you are...) who have fumbled your blogs as well can jump on the wagon too.

I want to blog everyday this month.

Yeah, you may point out that we are already three days into this month, but I figured better late than never. And hey, it's a new year! Time for fresh resolutions and renewed attempts. I'm sure it will take me a while to stretch my writing muscles again, and there will probably be a few fails, but maybe it will stick and I can get my foot back in the door. It's been great having a little (or long) break to just write privately and kinda hone my writing voice. Hopefully I can share some of the things I've learned. But it's time to start publishing again. Open the draft folder. Say it out loud.

And honestly, I miss blogging. I miss having a safe, fun, and challenging place to share thoughts with people. My audience has dwindled, I know. But to the faithful few of you out there still reading, I'm coming back. Who knows what kind of a month it could be?