Without a Shepherd

Earlier this week, Anna posted this antipsalm written by David Powlison that has been resurfacing in my brain almost everyday. It unmistakably paints the life to be tasted without Christ as our Good Shepherd. Reading this antipsalm put me in the shoes of unbelievers as they face a life with the suffocating absence of God and the smothering selfishness of their own souls.

When you look at the world and it's captives, this worldview is the aroma of their motives, feelings, pleasures and silence. How much does our world need the news of the Good Shepherd...

Antipsalm 23

I'm on my own.
No one looks out for me or protects me.
I experience a continual sense of need. Nothing's quite right.
I'm always restless. I'm easily frustrated and often disappointed.
It's a jungle — I feel overwhelmed. It's a desert — I'm thirsty.
My soul feels broken, twisted, and stuck. I can't fix myself.
I stumble down some dark paths.
Still, I insist: I want to do what I want, when I want, how I want.
But life's confusing. Why don't things ever really work out?
I'm haunted by emptiness and futility — shadows of death.
I fear the big hurt and final loss.
Death is waiting for me at the end of every road,
but I'd rather not think about that.
I spend my life protecting myself. Bad things can happen.
I find no lasting comfort.
I'm alone ... facing everything that could hurt me.
Are my friends really friends?
Other people use me for their own ends.
I can't really trust anyone. No one has my back.
No one is really for me — except me.
And I'm so much all about ME, sometimes it's sickening.
I belong to no one except myself.
My cup is never quite full enough. I'm left empty.
Disappointment follows me all the days of my life.
Will I just be obliterated into nothingness?
Will I be alone forever, homeless, free-falling into void?
Sartre said, "Hell is other people."
I have to add, "Hell is also myself."
It's a living death,
and then I die.

Contrast with Psalm 23:

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside quiet waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me.
Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil.
My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

How thankful I am that the Lord is my Shepherd... 
Lord, give me the grace to fully understand what You have done for me. My life will never be the same. Thank you, Jesus.

Blog... to write

In honor of my one year blogoversary, I have decided to do a small series on why I blog, based on an excellent article by Abraham Piper. Even though the article was written to persuade pastors to blog, I have found the reasons and principles to be true for any Christian blogger.

The first reason I blog is to write:

Blogging is an excellent method for cultivating and honing your writing skills, if thoughtfully recognized. By writing enough to form a well-written blog post, you are formulating ideas and completing thoughts. Plus you have the added benefit of hearing how well your writing is accepted and understood by your commentors (keeping in mind that expressing truth will not always be warmly "accepted"). Your commentors can also help in sharpening and shaping your published ideas and thoughts.

Keeping up a blog also inspires you to write consistently. Normally our lives refuse make room to sit down and write, but having a blog creates an artistic outlet to regularly write quality thoughts.

Abraham Piper writes,

There is no better way to simply and quickly share your writing than by maintaining a blog. And if you’re serious about your blog, it will help you not only in your thinking, but in your discipline as well, as people begin to regularly expect quality insight from you.

Let us also remember that blogging is talking to real people. Every word should be carefully typed. "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." Ephesians 4:29

Alabaster Box: 1 year old!

One year ago today marks the creation of this blog. Honestly, when I started blogging, I didn't think I would keep it up. I hardly understood what a blog was. Just goes to show there is much I have yet to learn.

For me, blogging has been a surprising blessing. It is more than a place to type and publish. I share my heart with people. The gospel is spreading through a little corner of the internet. Friendships are forming with people I will probably never meet until eternity. I am growing in my love for the Lord by writing why, how, and Who I love. Having a place to share my thoughts knowing someone is listening is a refreshing comfort. And hearing from readers across the globe is humbly amazing, and a pleasure I wasn't anticipating. Through my 157 posts and your 1,248 comments, I have learned much. You are a huge part of this journey.

And in honor of my 1 year blogoversary post, I simply wanted to thank you...

You have encouraged, challenged, inspired, refreshed, corrected, embraced, and loved me - someone you have yet to ever meet - by listening to my heart and responding with kindness. It is more than I could ask for.

So here is to another year of sharing and discussing through this creative world of blogging.

Thank you, thank you.

When I am full, I am free.

This quote has been a blessing to me in the trenches of my battle between the flesh and spirit. It clearly and helpfully portrays the underlining conflict and central desire of our hearts: fullness.

“On the most basic levels, I desire fullness, and fleshly lusts seduce me by attaching themselves to this basic desire. They exploit the empty spaces in me, and they promise that fulness will be mine if I give in to their demands. When my soul sits empty and is aching for something to fill it, such deceptive promises are extremely difficult to resist.

Consequently, the key to mortifying fleshly lusts is to eliminate the emptiness within me and replace it with fullness; and I accomplish this by feasting on the gospel. Indeed, it is in the gospel that I experience a God who glorifies Himself by filling me with His fullness. . . . This is the God of the gospel, a God who is satisfied with nothing less than my experience of fullness in Him! . . .

Indeed, as I perpetually feast on Christ and all His blessings found in the gospel, I find that my hunger for sin diminishes and the lies of lust simply lose their appeal. Hence, to the degree that I am full, I am free. Eyes do not rove, nor do fleshly lusts rule, when the heart is fat with the love of Jesus!”

- Milton Vincent, A Gospel Primer for Christians (2008), 45-46.
(HT: OFI)

Alabaster Heart: Kassandra

I am happy to introduce a special friend of mine who has brought so much encouragement to me in this blogging world. May you be blessed just as I was by getting a glimpse into her heart as she testifies of the Lord's workings in her life.

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Greetings and salutations! My name is Kassandra, but most know me as "Kasie." I've been homeschooled all my life, and at 16 years of age I'm the 7th of 8 children and an Aunt of 18 nieces and nephews! My heart's desire is to fulfill God's purpose for my life, to serve Him and give Him glory in everything I do. I'm not planning on any major career in the world, neither to sit idly at home and waste my single years, but preparing for a future of marriage and motherhood, if the Lord wills it. My family will testify to the fact that I'm a pretty outgoing and excitable sort who greatly enjoys to laugh and sometimes be silly. I like riding horses, drinking tea, playing music, and being outside. The thing I love most is to be surrounded by those I love most; my dear family and friends.

1) How and when did you first come to know Jesus as your Lord? 
I was six years old when I accepted Jesus into my heart, having been lead to Him by my loving parents one evening sitting on the living room couch. I was baptized the next week at church, along with my brother and sister, and thus began my walk following Christ. To be honest however, I don't think I realized (or at least, chose not to realize) the extent of God's love for me and the amazing sacrifice He made for me until I was about 11. I grew up in a Christian home where God was the center of everything. It was merely apart of our lifestyle to pray and read the Bible every morning, to sing songs about Jesus and be active in the church - I thought it was what every family did! As I grew older I saw the consequences of shunning Jesus, and not living a godly life. And over time the Lord showed me that it was not enough to simply go through the motions of being a Christian, but that He wanted all of me, and for me to truly love Him and love serving Him. At age 13 I officially rededicated my life to Christ; a couple years later I received the Holy Spirit and have, since those times in my life, looked at my walk with God with new eyes. Though the road has been bumpy and full of trials since then, the Lord has been incredibly faithful and has given me grace beyond measure!

2) What has been the biggest change in your life as a result of salvation? 
I'm not sure exactly how to answer, since I don't remember much of my life before I was saved. However, I do remember the biggest change in my life after my 'rededication': I live with purpose. No longer do I drift from day-to-day being a Christian just because everyone else around me was, but because Christ died for me! and He wants me! My life has a purpose and I matter to Him. 

3) What is your favorite thing about Jesus? 
He never gives up on me, even if I do. If it isn't enough that He died on the cross for my sins, He still wants me even when I've behaved terribly, and gives me grace and forgiveness over and over again. He is always faithful. He picks me up when I fall down and gives me strength to move on. 

4) What do you feel God's purpose for your life is? 
I believe that one day I will be married and have children, in which case my purpose would be to support and love my husband and raise a family for the glory of God. The Lord has yet to reveal to me what exactly He wants me to do in between after highschool and then (I'm not getting a degree at college), but I know that He will when the time comes. As a Christian I will always have one main, important purpose; to tell others of the Gospel and share God's love.

5) What is the hardest thing for you to live out as a set apart woman? 
Just that: being set apart. But let me explain... You don't have to know my family long in order to realize that we're different, that our standards and principles aren't the same as a lot Christians and some homeschoolers. I've never liked that. I couldn't stand it when people would stare at me in disbelief when I told them I wasn't allowed to go to a youth group, or perhaps another church function (note: this is not meant to speak against these in any way!) My brothers and sister could care less what others thought, but to me it was awful. It seems I've experienced a lot of this over the past year especially, and I hated being reminded that I was different from everyone else. But, once again, the Lord used that season in my life for me to learn, and with His help and the help of my family, I did! Now I understand that God loves variety and has made each of us different for a reason, as families and as individuals. In the family of God we are all His children, and each of us are unique and special in our own way. 

6) What woman has impacted your walk with God more than anyone else? 
My dear, loving, caring Mom! As a mature Christian she has been able to share with us - her children -  many life lessons and experiences that have been very helpful. I admire Mom for raising 8 children and homeschooling most of us, for her skill in mentoring many mothers and helping them with pregnancies, births, homeschooling and child training (can you tell she likes babies and children? :-), and for bringing God into the picture with everything. She has such a spark about her, and she has great trust in the Lord that nothing seems to dishearten her (though she would probably say otherwise). I love you Mom! You're a blessing and encouragement!

7) In your daily walk with God, what are a few things that you do to remain renewed and focused on God? 
That is something I've recently been meditating and working on. I want it to be that I'm constantly thinking about Him, praying and worshiping Him throughout my daily routines. However, as a sinner who's thoughts are constantly wanting to stray from God's word and as a work in progress, I'm not there yet. :-) But, as I mentioned earlier, the Lord is so faithful and extremely patient with me, His foolish child. It's a great help to me to have visual reminders set about the house; scripture verses on the wall and praising and including Him more in my everyday speech. Where I feel closest to God is when I'm outside; just to take a walk in our field or by the roadside turns my mind to the wonder of God's creation and what He has done for me!

8 ) If you could say one thing to other Christian girls what would you say? 
God made you different for a very special reason. He knows what's best, and He loves you the way He created you. Don't be afraid to excel and rejoice in your uniqueness and give Him all you've got! 

9) What do you do to entertain yourself? 
I read, take a walk or play outside, experiment with baking and cooking, sew, do crafts, and work on projects outside (there's always work to be done on our land!), and in the evenings I like to watch movies or old T.V. shows with my family. One of my passions is music. I play the piano, violin, mandolin and tin whistle, and I love practicing on all of them! My prayer is that my family (who are all musical) and I can bless others and bring glory to God with our music. 

10) What are some of your favorite books?
Not including the Bible, my favorites are (in no particular order) The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austin (and others by her as well), Little Women and The Inheritance by Louisa May Alcott, The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien, Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris, Ivanhoe by Sir Walter Scott, To Have and To Hold by Mary Johnston, and Daughters of Destiny by Noelle Wheeler (yes I know, it's mostly fiction!). Believe me, I love many many more works as well, but I can only list so many!

11) What is one of your favorite things to do in the course of a day? 
Any of my hobbies, which I try to include between school, housekeeping and making meals. However, what I really love is to have people over! When we lived in N.Y. state our home was always a flurry of excitement, with our friends and family stopping by, fellowshipping or enjoying our pool outside - it was great! I hope that our new home here in Tennessee would one day be like that too - it seems to be off to a good start!
 
12) What is your favorite bible verse? 
"Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God." ~1 Cor. 10:31 Could I rephrase that to one of my favorite Bible verses? :-)

13) As far as music goes, who is your favorite artist and why? (Also name a couple of your favorite songs)
Steven Curtis Chapman, because of his solid faith in God that shows through his music; Paul Baloche, for his heartfelt humble songs that are great to worship with; and Casting Crowns for their well written songs full of truth we all need to hear. I also like Jeremy Camp, Third Day, Kathryn Scott, Mark Shultz, and Brian Dierkson. My favorite songs include "Strength Will Rise," "Greater Song," "Hungry," "Revelation Song," "Praise You in this Storm," and "Give You Glory" just to name a few. 

14) Can you describe yourself in one word? 
Uh...no. :-) However, I've asked my sister Angie, and she suggests "expressive." It's hard to think of only one, since there are many words that would accurately describe me! I think it works though. 

15) What is your favorite quote? (From someone other than Christ) 
Something my Dad used to tell all his kids; "Always shoot for the stars, and if you don't hook onto one of them, you'll be sure to grab at least a planet!" It's such a blessing to have such an encouraging Dad who's with you all the way!

16) What is your favorite thing about this blog?   
Kaysie's simple sweet character, her childlike faith in the Lord, her encouragement and friendship. Also her consistent helpful posting - every good blog needs that! :-) May God continue to bless your writings Kaysie!

Awww, Kasie, that is so sweet of you. And I thank you for your friendship as well. You have truly been a blessing to me through your emails and comments. May the Lord continue to draw you closer to Him.

God's refusals are mercies

The chapter I quoted yesterday still holds more wisdom for us. Mrs. Elliot continues to unfold the desires of our hearts and correct wrong perceptions on God's timing and refusals.

As we wait for the spouses, God-willing, He is preparing, we may flutter through many stages of impatience. We may become extremely desperate; wishing every moment was spent with our "beloved", not knowing if we can possibly wait for one more day. This can progress into an attitude of resentment towards God. We become frustrated at His "inconsiderate" nature. Why does He withhold what seems perfectly agreeable to us? We are not the only ones who experience this conflict.

"Why won't God let someone into my life? I feel left out, abandoned. When will it be my turn?" The petulant letter goes on. "I feel deprived! Will He deny me the one small desire of my heart? Is it too big a treasure to ask? I sit in torture and dismay."
Life is likely to continue to hold many forms of torture and dismay for that unhappy person and for all who refuse to receive with thanksgiving instead of complaint the life God has chosen for them. The torture is self-inflicted, for God has not rejected their prayers. He knows better than any of us do what furthers our salvation.

Our true happiness is to be realized precisely through His refusals, which are always mercies. His choice is flawlessly contrived to give the deepest kind of joy as soon as it is embraced.

When we resist His will instead of rest in His sovereignty and goodness, our lives are filled with these self-inflicted "tortures". The happiness we seek is discovered in embracing the season God has us in. Let us cling to the Lord in complete trust.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

Maybe this year... ?

The question is familiar. My birthday was coming to an end and my thoughts settled on what the future could possibly hold for me. The question surfaced. This has happened every year since I turned 18. As soon as I reached the "age of marriage" my thoughts were consumed with the romantic possibilities. You might be familiar with the question my heart was asking... maybe "he" will come this year? (and I wish I was talking about Christ's return, but I'm afraid I was not)

I know it's silly. But I can't deny it's manifestation. Each year that goes by makes me even more certain that this year will be the year he comes. My last birthday was no exception. The first quiet moment I had was stolen by my mind to ponder the "ifs" and "maybes" of the future.
And God read my thoughts.

I opened my book "Keep a Quiet Heart" and flipped to my bookmark. My next scheduled chapter was titled, "Maybe this year?" and I knew God had a word for me. I will leave Mrs. Elliot to beautifully explain the truths God used to revolutionize my heart:

Will the young woman find a mate? Will the couple have a child? Maybe this year will be the year of a desire fulfilled. Perhaps, on the other hand, it will be the year of desire radically transformed, the year of finding, as we have perhaps not yet truly found, Christ to be the All-Sufficient One, Christ the "deep, sweet well of Love."

I had to stop right there. It was to much. Every selfish desire, every vanity, every discontent feeling I harbored was suddenly exposed to the Light. But there also awoke in me a desire to drink of this "deep, sweet well of Love". The love only Christ can give. The only love that will ever truly satisfy my heart.

This year holds the endless possibilities of contentment in Christ. This year can be the year of desire transformed. This year can be the year of finding what I have overlooked and misunderstood. This year will be my year of undistracted devotion to my Savior, for however long He wills.

Bored with the Bible?

For me there is a constant battle within myself to remain focused with fresh clarity the beauty and wonder of Scripture. I am often disappointed with myself after opening the Bible and feeling no "revelation" or appreciation of God's holiness. Or worse, sometimes I don't desire to open the Word at all. How do I keep my amazement with God's Word? How do I fight boredom with the Bible?

Yesterday on the Desiring God website, I read an article by John Piper in which he tackles this battle of maintaining your familiarity with the Bible without growing cold to it. It is a short article so I want to post his entire explanation below:

I pray Psalm 119:18 each time I go to the Bible: "Open my eyes that I may behold wonders in your law." I think the point of that prayer is that there are wonders everywhere in the law, in the Bible, in the instruction of God. And the psalmist is aware that he doesn't often feel or see wonderful things as wonderful. So he asks for it.

So my first and main strategy is that as I go to the source of wonders, namely, the revelation of God in his word, I'm asking specifically that I would have spiritual eyes to see what is wonderful as wonderful.

I would commend to every listener that you don't take it for granted that the wonders will be seen. And don't think that it doesn't matter that you read glorious things without seeing them as glorious. It matters, and therefore we should plead with God to open our eyes.

... plead with God to open our eyes. God is my Teacher and Instructor. He is also the Source of those wonders in Scripture. I must rely on His power to open my understanding and bring light to my mind.

Anyone else have any thoughts or insights on this? :)

Rest in His hands

A little friend flew in this morning. He buzzed into my window and became entrapped by the modern marvel of enclosed living. Restlessly he flew about seeking an escape. I tried my best to point him in the right direction, but he seemed to not be listening. Tired and confused, he kept trying to find his freedom. At last his body gave out and he slowly fell from the ceiling into the window sill, and then into my hands. I gingerly brought him outside where I fed him nectar from a nearby flower until he regained his strength. Then he flew away into the freedom he longed for.

I am a lot like this little hummingbird. I get myself into problematic situations and then bang my head against the wall trying to find my freedom and peace. The way to freedom is to fall into the arms of my heavenly Father. He will carry me until I am rested, sustain me with His pleasures, and then open His hands allowing me to fly away again.

If only I would simply rest in His hands forever.

Quiet Rest

My eyes slowly opened to the view of a glowing window trying to camouflage the happy sun outside. Rolling myself out of bed I walked over and pulled the string connected to the blinds. A flood of sunshine and the vision of valleys and mountain ridges welcomed my eyes and awoke my heart. This was my view this morning as I stayed at a secluded getaway that my family took me to for my birthday. (I know... they are too good to me!)

All day I have been doing one thing: resting.

We have created no agenda, plans or obligations. All I have done today is walk, look, read, play games with my family, and of course eat. (big smile) And it has been incredible.

This morning I walked out to the porch and read my Bible, my devotional, sipped my tea, and listened to the silence. It was one of the highlights of this day. God knew how much I needed this day of peace. It is quiet. The noises I do hear have a restful tone. I really never knew how much silence can minister to the soul.

This time of quiet rest has made me realize with transparency how my pace of life clogs my mind and burdens my spirit, making it difficult to listen to the voice of God in this megaphone land. My mind is far to busy defending it's sanity that I neglect to nurture it's vitality. Quietness and rest is pivotal to the health of my spiritual life.

And I doubt I am the only one that battles with this. Just now I conveniently read over at the Boundless blog about our desperation for silence.

What I am desperate for is silence. Because here in the land of the free, silence has a lot of competition. And the competition usually wins with me.

So I'm not battling some oppressive government trying to molest my quiet. I'm really battling myself. I'm just not sure which is easier to overcome, a dark regime or a dark heart.

I do know that the gospel is able to overcome both.

(Read the entire article here)

And it certainly has for me. Praise God for the gospel! Praise God for quiet rest...

"Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him, and do not fret..." Ps. 37:7