The question is familiar. My birthday was coming to an end and my thoughts settled on what the future could possibly hold for me. The question surfaced. This has happened every year since I turned 18. As soon as I reached the "age of marriage" my thoughts were consumed with the romantic possibilities. You might be familiar with the question my heart was asking... maybe "he" will come this year? (and I wish I was talking about Christ's return, but I'm afraid I was not)I know it's silly. But I can't deny it's manifestation. Each year that goes by makes me even more certain that this year will be the year he comes. My last birthday was no exception. The first quiet moment I had was stolen by my mind to ponder the "ifs" and "maybes" of the future.
And God read my thoughts.
I opened my book "Keep a Quiet Heart" and flipped to my bookmark. My next scheduled chapter was titled, "Maybe this year?" and I knew God had a word for me. I will leave Mrs. Elliot to beautifully explain the truths God used to revolutionize my heart:
Will the young woman find a mate? Will the couple have a child? Maybe this year will be the year of a desire fulfilled. Perhaps, on the other hand, it will be the year of desire radically transformed, the year of finding, as we have perhaps not yet truly found, Christ to be the All-Sufficient One, Christ the "deep, sweet well of Love."
I had to stop right there. It was to much. Every selfish desire, every vanity, every discontent feeling I harbored was suddenly exposed to the Light. But there also awoke in me a desire to drink of this "deep, sweet well of Love". The love only Christ can give. The only love that will ever truly satisfy my heart.
This year holds the endless possibilities of contentment in Christ. This year can be the year of desire transformed. This year can be the year of finding what I have overlooked and misunderstood. This year will be my year of undistracted devotion to my Savior, for however long He wills.
Wow, I can relate to everything you've said, Kaysie! This has really been my mindset for a long time as well. I actually just recently read that chapter in "Keep A Quite Heart", and was amazed to see how applicable Elisabeth's wise words were (as usual!) to my current circumstances. My birthday is in a few weeks, and I pray that over this next year I will know Christ to be the All-Sufficient One to an even greater extent than I do now. Praying the same for you, sister! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Stephanie. :)
ReplyDeleteIsn't Elisabeth Elliot a beautiful writer? I only hope that one day I am half as creative, applicable, and fluent as she is in her writing. Thank you for your prayers. I will do the same for you in this upcoming year.
Happy early Birthday!
Kaysie, I am struggling with the same things...especially as I graduate from homeschool high school tomorrow. I can wonder about marriage and... well...everything!
ReplyDeleteBut yes, growing in the Lord is one thing we CAN count on happening this year. (However, marriage and a family isn't a bad thing to hope for =)
What an encouragement! Very beautifully put, Kaysie! I trust this will be the year that I will be radically transformed for Christ - that He will live in and through me like never before!
ReplyDeleteElla, wow, what an exciting day for you tomorrow! Congratulations! What a great accomplishment. And I know that after I graduated the desire to marry grew more "urgent". :) I will be praying for you in this new season of life!
ReplyDeleteSara, you have been a great encouragement to me through your already bright light. God has truly rewarded your faithfulness and contentment in Him. May God bless you as you grow closer to Him and your man. ;)
Hey sweet girl,
ReplyDeleteWell, I must say that even as a 46 yr. old wife and mother I still have days of that same thought... Maybe this year... But the thing that I can honestly share from my heart is that God comes through 'every' year, every day, and every moment as I focus on Him and His purposes. We can still have dreams and desires, but only He in His perfect timing is the fulfiller of our dreams and desires. He sees our every thought, dream, and even tears, and they are all precious to Him, because "WE" are precious to Him. Enjoy the Journey!
p.s. there is a country music song that I love that goes along with this thought of maybe this year... the name of it is: "You're Gonna Miss This" Trace Adkins Take a listen if you like...
Kaysie,
ReplyDeleteYour words echo the question of my hear--"maybe this year??" Which is weird since I've only just graduated from highschool. I know that I'm not ready for marriage yet, and I still have things I want to do before settling down into marriage! :) However, that longing and desire has surfaced more than once, and especially so as my birthday(last week) drew nearer. However, PTL that I was able to turn that desire and longing over to Him.
While I'm single, I want to focus on Him and the work He wants me to do. I don't want to waste these precious years of singleness that He's given me!
That hit the spot! :) I've kind of been wondering about when my husband and I will meet....I had visualized meeting him at age 17 or 18 and getting married at 20.....but yes, I have to put that in God's hands.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Kaysie!!
Blessings,
Julia
Thank you all so much for your encouragement!
ReplyDeleteAll of your comments have ministered to my soul... and I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one! ;) God bless you all.
[...] Maybe this year… ? [...]
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm in a different boat then I was a year ago. A year ago I was in your boat (I was also struggling with low self-esteem and depression and trying to break free of those bondages). I know that my story wont be the same as many others. It was when God brought a certain man into my life that the light shone for me. God came to me in ways I never before knew, and He opened my eyes to things never before seen. I've had to be cautious not to give credit to this certain man when all the credit goes to God.
ReplyDeleteIn this new season of my life, I have noticed something. When I was single I was fighting jealousy and discontentment. I would see couples together and it would depress me or make me long for my prince charming so much more. Also, reading so many relationship books and purity books just kept bringing it to the forefront of my mind and I couldnt get the fact that I was single out of my head. The books became more of a distraction than a help after a while. If God had called me to singleness, then I needed to just focus on singleness. I stopped making purity a big deal to myself because I just kept reading the same things written in different ways and I already knew what God wanted.
Now that I'm on the other side of the boat, I often times find myself wanting to hide under a rock the fact that prince charming came. You say, "What?!?!" The reason is this:
I think I have subconsiously (until recently realizing this) been very quiet about my relationship because I dont want to make other single people jealous or sad or discontent with their life as I used to feel. I am letting my old pains dictate my current life. I am surpressing one of the biggest blessings because of my fear of hurting other people's feelings. I hope I'm making sense. I've come to realize that I need not be afraid and I need to rejoice in God's blessings, but sometimes (like writing this message right now) I have a hard time discerning whats ok and what's not. I dont want to boast, and I dont want to brag, but I also dont want to surpress the blessing and hide it to myself.
Now, I'm not 100% sure (or maybe not even 50%...) why I wrote all of this out, but I pray that God uses it to bring light into someone's life.
Kaysie, I pray God is who you're running to, and I pray your desires don't become a god to you. I had to tell a friend before she went to college that alot of men are going to be attracted to her because her relationship with God is so attracting. God in her makes her attractive, and I told her to be cautious. I'm going to tell you the same thing. Your relationship with God is going to become attractive to alot of guys, and alot of guys aren't going to be "the one" and you're going to have to have your identify 110% in God so you can discern His voice and not fall prey to your heart's longings taking over and making you weaker.
Anywho, forgive me for writing so much for a comment.
God bless you, Kaysie (and God bless all the other commentors).
-Kristy
I happened by this article a couple of days ago, I thought you and your readers might find it encouraging. http://www.christianitytoday.com/tcw/1998/sepoct/8w5094.html
ReplyDeleteI remember being in your shoes, and they were not always a comfortable fit!
In addition to the article above I would add my own encouragement.
It is such a blessing to be married and totally worth waiting for the right Godly man.
My husband and I have said over and over again to each other what a blessing it is to have waited for each other, and this goes beyond just the fact that were both virgins when we married. There is also the added advantage of starting your marriage on the right foot, knowing that you are both following and walking in obedience to God in this area. Maintaining purity before you are married by struggling with all His energy, which so powerfully works with in you, actually builds the strength of endurance and character that is needed to create a loving, godly marriage after you wed. Of course, you also have the blessing of not bringing lot of extra emotional or physical baggage into you marriage, like the pain of past relationships, disease or even children born of wedlock.
There is enough difficulty living and loving together even when you are totally in love and both committed Christians, believe me, you don’t need to have more to deal with. So as 1 Corinthians says in 7:1 “Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.” This is a worthwhile endeavor even if you never marry, for Jesus said, “Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God.” Our ultimate destiny is to be the bride of Christ so it not “less” to never have married. In fact, some may be getting a jump on the greatest romance without having to contend with pain, difficulty and distraction that come with even the most wonderful Christian marriage.
You must also consider that there is something very special about having Jesus as the sole lover of your soul. Something that changes after you wed a son of Adam. Personally, this change was so great that it took some time adjusting my spiritual bearings. After you marry you still have personal relationship with the Lord but you often love Him through your husband and children, serving Christ by serving them. Singleness is sweet and precious time, a once in a lifetime time, to pursue Him and experience his deep and extravagant love for you. As much as I longed for a husband then and as much as I am content now, there are still times when I long for the pure and exuberant simplicity of having only to seek and please my Lord. Ah, to have time to set and absorb the loving focus of His gaze upon me without being interrupted by the thousands of needs two small children and a loving husband can produce! Dear Girls, you are blessed, take it from your big sis, and revel in this special time.
Kristy,
ReplyDeleteFirst let me thank you for your thoughtful response. And I completely understand where you are coming from. I have often thought the same things would happen to me once my "fella" came along. Who would I tell? What if I discourage them? Should I mention him to them because they still don't have someone?
I truly understand. :) I am reminded of something someone told me awhile back, "Don't apologize for God blessings." There is a lot of truth in that message.
Thank you for sharing, and for your encouragement. I was such a blessing to my heart. God bless you, Kristy.
Mother of the McCordmobile,
What an encouragement your comment was to me! It is always a blessing to learn from women who have "gone before". :) You have reaffirmed me to stay the course and keep a quiet heart in this season of singleness, even if it last forever. I appreciated your thought on loving the Lord after marriage as well. That is a helpful peak into the light (or heavy) struggles in marriage. It makes me thankful for the time I have now! :)
I am doing my best to bask in this time with the Lord.
Thank you all for encouraging me in this way!
One other thing....
ReplyDeleteBloom where you've been planted.
I'll let you interpret that for yourself.
Kaysie,
ReplyDeleteFirst let me say, that for some reason I thought you were older and married with kids. The wisdom you share on your blog goes way beyond your years and reveals that you have "been with Jesus". When "he" arrives one day, he'll be awfully glad to have such a spiritually mature wife!
I'm coming up on my 19th wedding anniversary on Sept.2, but I remember the days when I waited for my husband to come. Like you, I turned to Elisabeth Elliott and found such consolation in her book, Passion and Purity. Even wrote her a letter and got a handwritten reply!
While I completely understand the overwhelming longing to be a wife and mom, I want to tell you to treasure the years until that dream is fulfilled, these years of "undistracted devotion to my Saviour". As wonderful as marriage and family is, you probably won't have the long, luxurious hours you now have with Jesus when you are married. Savor them now!
On a more practical note, use this time to pray for your husband and children of the future. And learn the practical skills of homemaking. I didn't bother with that type of thing (the skills part) when I was single and oh how I wish I'd spent that time preparing. It would have made married life so much easier!
Having a marriage and family can be a wonderful thing. I say "can be" because it's work and it only works if both people work at it. But as wonderful as life with a family is, it doesn't hold a candle to knowing Jesus. I say this because I don't want you to think you're missing out on something in life. You already have the very best that life offers and that is your relationship with the Lord. No man will ever satisfy you in the way that the Lord does.
God has a plan and a timing and it's all good and for your very best.
Bonita, wow. Thank you for those words you just shared. It was exactly what I needed to hear this morning. I am tremendously thankful for the married women's advice and encouragement in this area... it has made me treasure and take advantage of this precious time I have with only the Lord.
ReplyDeleteI also appreciate the practical suggestions you gave: praying and preparing. That is excellent advice. I hope to be doing both everyday.
Thank you again for taking the time to encourage me today. It was such a blessing. God bless you and your family! :)
wow wow wow, I most certainly needed to hear that!(well read it in this case) thank you!!
ReplyDeleteGod bless ya!
My sincere thanks for sharing your heart. I feel the same way, but it is so hard sometimes to be content. I'm glad that I am not the only one is this world that struggles with these feelings. The Lord has encouraged me so much today because of you, Kaysie! :)
ReplyDeleteP.S. Oh yeah! I'm a big sister again! Matthew was born on tuesday!
ReplyDeleteIn echo of what Bonita said, preparation is a good thing. Here is a resource that may help you prepare for some of the realities of marriage. "Created to be his Helpmeet " by Debi Pearl.
ReplyDeleteHomemaking skills are a wonderful thing to develop. I know it dosen't sound romantic, but my husband often comments on home much he appreciates the simple things like a home cooked meal, clean landry and a comfortable dwelling. This things can mean a lot to a man which can in turn bless you as a happy man makes for a pleasant and loving husband.
I think the best thing to do is to try to be as dillegent, organized and diciplined as possible. Learn to take care of yourself first, eat and prepare health meals, excercise, sleep regularly, keep up your spiritual dicipline , all these things become challeged when you are a busy wife and mother, but establishing good habits now can make it so much easier down the road.
Also in your prayers for husband be specific (beyond just, "Lord send one now!") Pray FOR your husband, pray that he will be guarded against temptaion, pray for godly friendships, career and education direction, protection etc. The Lord knows the one he has hand picked for you. What a way to deepen your love, when you can look him in the eye and say "I have been praying for you long before I met you. "
When I was waiting, the Lord also challenged me that my standards were too low. I was so lonely I would have settled for far less than God had in mind. Read 1 Timothy 3:8-10 as a guide for the characteristics to look for in a truly godly man.
I also have to say, that sometimes I look back on my "single days" and cringe, thanking God for blood of Jesus. I wish I could have seen some of my unbecoming behavior as objectively as I do now. I am always a little embarrased for young women when I see them doing the same foolish things I did at that age. Dress modestly and act as is beffiting a daughter of His Holiness, the King of Kings, then you will look back with fondeness and delight on these years.
Some passages to examine 1Tim 2: 9-15,3:11
Mother of McCordmoblie, thank you again for such helpful advice! This means so much to me. Actually, a lot of what you have shared is exactly what my dear mother has been guiding me into. And hearing this come from another wife and mother simply reaffirms everything her and the Lord are teaching me.
ReplyDeleteI had to chuckle when you suggested praying specifically for my husband... instead of send me one NOW! Great advice. I will definitely start implementing that one. I hope he is praying for me too. :)
Thank you again for your enormous encouragement, Scriptures, and practical advice for this *special* time in my life. It means so much to me. :)
God bless you!
I struggle with these thoughts as well Kaysie. Lately, I have been very content and happy with my singleness. The Lord has been showing me so many things and comforting my heart. But coincidentally, a few minutes before I read your blog post, I saw a picture of 2 friends of mine who are in a serious relationship. The feelings of envy and self-pity came swarming in, and I found myself asking that same question, "When will it happen to me?"
ReplyDeleteSo thank you very much for sharing your heart in this post...I read it EXACTLY when I needed it!